Alan Harper Quotes
Dorothy: Listen, Alan, I’m looking for my daughter.
Alan: Drunk Blond?
Dorothy: Well, she isn’t always blond.
Kandi: Ouch.
Alan: What?
Kandi: One of my teeth hurts when I brush it.
Alan: When was the last time you saw a dentist?
Kandi: Alan, I see people all the time. They don't always tell you what they do.
Charlie: And here's another fun fact. I'll bet she's had sex with more girls than you too.
Alan: (scoffs again, and again does the math and smiles) That is a fun fact!
Charlie: Alan, there comes a time in every man’s life when he has to make a choice; does he want to be loved, or does he want to get laid. Fourteen years ago you made the wrong choice. You got married, and you wound up with neither. But now, fate has given you another chance. Welcome it. Embrace it. Grab it's pert little ass.
Alan: What am I supposed to do, walk into my son’s birthday and say "Hey everybody, look at this gorgeous twenty-two year old woman I'm having sex with."
Charlie: Oh don't be silly. You don't want to rub their faces in it, you just want them to know where yours has been.
Charlie: Rose has a boyfriend.
Alan: A real one or like Toby the astronaut?
Charlie: Women are suckers for a good apology. Just keep shoveling it on till roses start growing in it.
Alan: Poor Satan. He'll come for your soul but he'll leave empty-handed.
Alan: I'm going to get Jake but I leave the front door unlocked in case Satan shows up to collect your soul.
• Rating 2.3 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 27th, 2007Alan: Well you know what, it doesn't matter if I look cool, we judge a person by what's inside, not by what they wear.
Jake: Lucky for you, huh.
Alan: Ok... ehm... Well, I'm thankful that I can spend the holiday with all the people I love and all the people who love me - and Judith.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 27th, 2007Alan: Look, I appreciate your feelings for me, but I have to tell you, I really think your daughter deserves alot of respect. I mean it takes real courage to make changes in your life and not worry what everybody thinks.
Judith: Thank you Alan.
Evelyn: That's true. The lesbians of my generation were too scared to come out of the closet.
Lenore (Judith's mom):Does that mean what I think it means?
Alan: You haven't told them?
Judith: No. I thought it would be more appropriate coming from your mother.