Ari Gold Quotes
Ari Gold: Tell Drama he's on the top of my list of things to do today, along with inserting needles in my c**k!
• Rating 4.8 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 20th, 2007[Ari's daughter is practising for her bat mitzvah]
Ari Gold: [to his wife] Is it me or is her voice getting worse?
Ari's Wife: Ari!
Ari Gold: It doesn't mean that I don't love her but she's just awful baby!
Ari Gold: I'll beat that old f**k and throw him in the pool.
Ari Gold: [to his young kids]
Ari Gold: Only Daddy speaks that way!
Ari Gold: We are gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos.
• Rating 4.2 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 20th, 2007Eric: We gotta get Cameron to see "Queens Boulevard."
Ari Gold: You haven't even seen it yet!
Eric: I saw the scenes that Vince looped today. They looked amazing.
Ari Gold: Great. So you want me to get the biggest director in the game to see some low-budget indie flick that you think is amazing based on some out-of-context scenes from a looping stage.
Ari Gold: You can have it if you want to live in Agora f**king hills, and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherf**king Wednesday.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 20th, 2007Eric: [Eric and Ari are discussing film roles for Vince] Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not even Hispanic.
Ari Gold: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a d**k. That's what actors do. They pretend.
Eric: All right, I got it. So what if Cruise passes?
Ari Gold: Then they go to Brad Pitt. He passes, they go to Keanu Reeves, and on down the list.
Eric: Where is Vince on that list?
Ari Gold: He ain't on the list.
Eric: Well, how do we get him on the list?
Ari Gold: You do "Aquaman," you stupid f**k!
Ari Gold: From now on ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How'd you know that?
Ari Gold: 'Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta to fire her so you don't feel weird.
Eric: No. Don't fire her.
Ari Gold: All right. Well, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits.
Ari Gold: [Ari doesn't want Vince to do Queens Blvd] You know what they feed people on an indi set, Vinne? Nothing! They don't give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?
Eric: Well, if anybody could do it, Vince could.
Vince: I do have great balance.
Adam Davies: [Adam Davies reveals himself to be the traitor within Ari's coup d'état] You should be a nicer person. Maybe then people wouldn't f**k you.
Ari Gold: You talked, Davies?
Ari Gold: [Davies turns away to leave] Hey, Adam.
Adam Davies: Yeah, Ari?
Ari Gold: Just so you know, your girlfriend, when she was in the mailroom, offered to blow me. True story.
