Barney Stinson Quotes
Barney is in his ofice, working late. He answers his phone
Barney: Go for Barney.
Marshall: Hey man. It's Marshall. Check your email, I sent you something.
Barney: What is it?
Marshall: A new website, slapcountdown.com
Barney looks at his computer screen, which displays a timer counting down days, hours, minutes & seconds.
Barney: No... NOOOOOOOOO!
Barney:: [talking with Lily about waiting in line for the wedding-dress sale] I can’t go, I’ve got this thing….
Lily:: What thing?
Barney:: ...a penis.
Barney:: [talking about how easy it is to run a marathon] Step 1: You start running. There is no Step 2.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007Barney:: [seeing his nude painting] You gave me the Ken doll... She left out Little Barney, Barnacle Junior, My Barnana, Barnito Surpreme
• Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007 Lily:: [trying to paint Barney with a sword in his hand] I don't think your sword will fit.
Barney:: I get that a lot.
Barney: In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007 Robin: [Downs drink] I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a douche with a faux-hawk. This can't happen, you guys have help me talk her out of it.
Marshall: A speech to talk a girl out of sex...
Ted: ...yeah I don't have any of those.
Barney: Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.
Robin: Please I'm her older sister I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions
Lily: It's 2 o'clock and you've already had three Scotch and Sodas.
Robin: [Slurred speech] That's why I need your help!
Barney: Christmas is a time when people are lonely and desperate, it's the most wonderful time of the year.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007 Robin: Barney! What the hell are you doing? Get in here, it's freezing outside. Are you insane?
Barney: Blame Lily and her oppressive no-cigars-in-the-appartment-rule. God, it's like Marshall is marrying the Taliban.
[Barney sneezes into his hands]
Barney: High-five.
Robin: Ewww, no. Look, you have to go home and get to bed.
[Barney takes a seat]
Barney: Oh Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north. Let me tell you about a little thing I like to call 'mind over body' ... You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True stor
[After Ted tells Barney what he called Lily]
Barney: Ted Vivian Mosby!
Ted: That's not my middle name..
Barney: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Ted: Like you've never said that word?
Barney: I don't kiss your mother with my mouth, yet...
[Barney sneezes]
Ted: Are you sick?
Barney: Is it sick to find maturity and experience sexy?
Ted: No, I meant do you have a cold?
Barney: I'm fine. [blows his nose from a cold]
[Ted and Robin look at him]
Barney: I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out.
