Barney Stinson Quotes (Page 5)
Lily: Do you think we look young enough to blend in at a high school.
Barney: Please. I'm ageless, Scherbatsky just needs a good night's sleep, and you've got statutory written all over your body.
Robin: I never got to go to my prom. We always had field hockey nationals in the spring.
Barney: [coughs] Lesbian
Robin: The cough is supposed to cover the "lesbian."
Barney: Nah, I'm trying to start a thing where the cough is separate.
Lily: Your job is very simple. At the wedding, do not sleep with anyone even remotely related to me.
Barney: [laughs, then gets serious] Lil, you know I can't promise that.
: And that, my friends is why you don't get your money's worth when you wear jeans to a strip club.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 30th, 2007 Barney: Yeah, she's not a prostitute.
Marshall: What? Why did you say she was?
Barney: It's more fun this way.
Barney: That’s adorable Ted. You’re such a hayseed. The companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century. You do realize that 1 out of every 8 adult women in America is a prostitute.
Marshall: Dude you just made that up.
Barney: Withdrawn.
Marshall: Lawyered!
Barney: Good day! [leaving]
Ted: [as Barney stands there, Ted starts laughing] You’re just waiting for me to say something so you can interrupt.
Barney: [As he stomps out, screaming] I SAID GOOD DAY!
Barney: Dude, your views on professional fornicators are harshing my mellow.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • March 30th, 2007 Ted: Look, I shouldn’t go.
Marshall: You should definitely go, look, it’s a chance to show her you are still friends and that you support her.
Barney: Or it’s a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter, or even better, triple threat, hotter and bigger boobs!
Ted: That’s only two.
Barney: Count again!
Barney: [To Ted] Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession.
Marshall: Do you really think that’s true?
Barney: Oh yeah, I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers an extra fish for putting out.
Marshall: Ah ha, so the oldest profession would be fishermen. Kaboom! You’ve been lawyered!