Barney Stinson Quotes (Page 8)
Ted: Yes, on Saturday, after a little wine and a little dancing...
Barney: Alright, they better be making a new gender, because I'm revoking your dude membership.
Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out and then we'll feed them to you like grapes!
Barney: Wait, my eyes or my testicles?
Lily: One of each!
Barney: Don't beat yourself up. He'll be fine. I mean, the guy's like a billionaire. He can put his platinum card in a fishing line and win ten chicks hotter than you.
• Rating 4.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • March 28th, 2007 Barney: Aheeeem. People often ask me "Barney how is that you're so psyched so much of the time"?
Lily: By who? Who asks you that?
Barney: I don't want to be kissing Ranjit!
Ranjit: You don't know what you're missing!
Barney: Oh sure laugh. Laugh for Barney Stinson. Laugh for the sad clown trapped on his whirling carousel of suits and cigars and bimbos and booze round and round it goes, and where's it all heading... nowhere.
• Rating 3.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • March 28th, 2007 Lily: So where are you from, Natalya?
Barney: She... who knows. The former Soviet republic of Drunk-Off-Her-Ass-Istan?
Marshall: You okay?
Ted: Sure. Why?
Marshall: Ah...I don't know. Girl of your dreams...dating a billionaire.
Ted: Okay, first of all, hundred-millionaire. And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. We're just friends. Look, it would not be smart if we got together. I..I mean, I'm looking to settle down, she's looking for a.... [Barney starts snoring]
Barney: Wha...? You done? Great. Check out table number four. See that little hottie on the end? She's short, but has an ample bosom. I love it! She's like half boob. [whispers to Ted] Let's go.
Ted: Yea and say what? What's our big opening line?
Barney: I was uh....'Daddy's home'.
Ted: Daddy's home?
Barney: Yea.
Ted: Okay, you..you want us to go over there, right now, and say to those girls,'Daddy's home'. Really think about that, Barney.
Barney: Hmm...yea, I think it's pretty solid.
[At a homeless shelter]
Ted: What are you doing here?
Barney: The Lord's work.
Ted: But you're Satan!
Barney: Helping people less fortunate than me is the greatest pleasure in the world.
Robin: Yesterday you said the greatest pleasure in the world was having your toes sucked. Then you asked for a high five ... from your foot.
