Barney Gumble Quotes
Barney: So, I'm a tanked-up loser? Is that how you see me?
Moe: Oh, sounds like a certain loser could use some tanking up. [starts pouring Barney a glass of beer when Barney abruptly gets up] Hey, hey, where you goin'?
Barney: I'll show you! I'm going to take these helicopter lessons.
Homer: Wait a minute, Barney. You've got to be sober to fly. I mean, it's not like driving a car.
Barney: (into radio) Mayday, mayday! The engine room has sprung a leak! It's filling up with a clear, non-alcoholic liquid!
Homer: You mean water?
Barney: Yeah, that's it.
Barney: All I remember about the last two months is giving a guest lecture at Villanova... or maybe it was a street corner.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Mr. Burns: "The whole plant is environmentally sound. It's powered by old newspapers, machinery is made entirely of used cans, and the windows are from the old liquor bottles we collected." (to Barney) "Hey! I thought I told you to stop licking my windows!"
Barney: "I know you told me. But when I woke up this morning, I said, 'Barney, you're not gonna lick that-'"
Shary: [bottles of beer are scattered on the floor and on the couch; singing, obviously drunk] Wasted away again in Margaritaville.
Barney: Searching for my lost shaker of salt. [spoken] Oh, here it is. [shakes salt into his mouth.]
Homer: All right, Marge, I'll get you your nanny. And to pay for it, I'll give up the Civil War re-creation society I love so much. [at Moe's, everyone, including Moe, is dressed like 1800s military generals]
Moe: [hangs up the phone] Well, Homer's out. We gotta find a new General Ambrose Burnside.
Barney: [dressed like Lincoln] But I'm not too crazy about our Stonewall Jackson.
Apu: [Apu emerges from the Men's room dressed like a Hindu military official] The south shall [brightly] come again!
Barney: You mean you were one of the original Little Rascals?
Moe: Yeah.
Homer: Which one were you? The ugly one? [long pause] Were you the ugly one?
Barney: (After waking up and seeing he is left completely naked and his house is stripped bare, after being robbed) Gee, I thought I had more stuff than this.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 18th, 2007Barney: I don't know where you magic pixies came from but I like your pixie drink.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 18th, 2007 [After singing their final rooftop performance, Homer addresses the crowd.]
Homer: I'd like to thank you on behalf of the group, and I hope we passed the audition.
[Crowd, including the Be Sharps laughs loudly.]
Barney: [laughs] ...I don't get it.
