Bart Simpson Quotes (Page 15)
Bart: We came to talk to you about your son...
Rabbi Krustofsky: I have no son! [slams the door]
Bart: [talking to Lisa] Great, we came all this way and it's the wrong guy!
Rabbi Krustofsky: [opens door] I didn't mean that literally!
Bart: Okay, Milhouse, how many Krusty autographs should I put you down for?
Milhouse: A hundred!
Bart: Consider it done.
Bart: [writing a card] "To me bestest bud, Milhouse. Happy Birthday. Bart."
Lisa: Bart, that's so sweet. May I see the card? [reading from the card] "Hey there, ten-year-old! I couldn't afford to get you a new drum..." [opens the card, revealing a picture of a well-endowed woman] "...so how about a nice pair of bongos." Ewww...
Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend any more. That's why you couldn't come to the party.
Bart: What's she got against me?
Milhouse: She says you're a bad influence.
Bart: [slams his hand on the table] Bad influence, my ass! How many times have I told you? Never listen to your mother!
Bart: Looks like I've got me a genuine glow-in-the-dark police badge! [hunts through the box of cereal] Hey, it's not in here. You stole it!
Lisa: No one wants your stupid police badge, Bart.
Homer: [coming in] Hey, look what I got! A genuine official police badge! "Calling all cars! Come out with your hands up!" [Laughs]
Bart: Hey, that's my badge, Homer.
Homer: That's Officer Homer! [Laughs]
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart Simpson, you're late. Go fill out a tardy slip.
Bart: But I'm only five... [looks at the clock] ten, twenty... Forty minutes! That's pretty damn late!
Homer: Well, Bart, what did you learn in karate class today?
Bart: Well, um... today we learned how to rip out a man's heart and show it to him before he died.
Homer: Heh heh heh, that'll learn him!
Marge: Bart, how many hours a day do you watch TV?
Bart: Six. Seven if there's something good on.
Michael: Lisa, it's your birthday, God bless you this day. You gave me the gift of a little sister, and I'm proud of you today.
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday, happy birthday, Lisa. Lisa, it's your birthday, happy birthday, Lisa.
Michael: I wish you love and good will, I wish you peace and joy.
Bart: I wish you better than your heart desires,
Michael: And your first kiss from a boy.
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday, happy birthday, Lisa. Lisa, it's your birthday, happy birthday, Lisa.
Bart Yeah!
Bart: C'mon. If you're really Michael Jackson, who were your last 4 dates to the Grammys?
Leon: Brooke Shields, Diana Ross, Emmanuel Lewis and Bubbles.