Bart Simpson Quotes (Page 18)
Homer: What are you doing! That putter is to you what a bat is to a baseball player! What a violin is... to the... the guy that... the violin guy! Now c'mon! Give your putter a name.
Bart: What?
Homer: C'mon, give it a name.
Bart: Mister Putter.
Homer: D'oh! You wanna try a little harder son? C'mon, give it a girl's name.
Bart: Mom.
Homer: Your putter's name is Charlene!
Bart: Why?
Homer: It just is, that's why! Now this, is a picture of your enemy, Todd Flanders. Every day, I want you to spend fifteen minutes staring at it, and concentrating on how much you hate him, and how glorious it will be when you and Charlene annihilate him!
Bart: Who's Charlene?
Homer: [raises the putter, about to wallop Bart with it] I'll show you who Charlene is! Now start hating!
Bart: Is your boss governor yet?
Homer: Not yet, son, not yet.
Dave Shutton: What's your name, son?
Bart: I'm Bart Simpson - who the hell are you?
Dave Shutton: I'm Dave Shutton. I'm an investigative reporter who's on the road a lot, and I must say that in my day, we didn't talk that way to our elders.
Bart: Well, this is my day, and we do, sir.
Narrator: Quoth the raven-
Bart: Eat my shorts!
Lisa: Bart, stop it! He says "Nevermore." And that's all he'll ever say.
Bart: Okay, okay.
Bart: You know what would've been scarier than nothing?
Lisa: What?
Bart: Anything!
Homer: [strangling Bart] BOY! MUST! DIE!
Bart: I love you, Dad!
Homer: D'oh! [stops strangling] Dirty trick. Okay, I'm not going to kill you, but I'm going to tell you three things that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your days. You've ruined your father, you've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary!
Bart: It is?!
Bart: I passed! I passed! I got a D-minus! (runs around the schoolyard, repeating himself) I passed! I passed! I...kissed the teacher!!! (starts spitting it out)
• Vote for this Quote! • July 11th, 2007 Homer: We're proud of you, boy!
Bart: Thanks, Dad. But part of this D- belongs to God.
Bart: Look at my eyes! See the sincerity? See the conviction? See the fear? As God is my witness, I can pass the fourth grade!
Homer: And if you don't, at least you'll be bigger than the other kids.
Bart: [praying] God, please give me one more chance to study, give me a snow day, or a power outage, or a teacher's strike, anything, please!
Lisa: Prayer: the last refuge of the scoundrel.