Bart Simpson Quotes (Page 19)
Bart: [dials the phone] Aw, where's your sense of humor, man?
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Hello, is Al there?
Moe: Al?
Bart: Yeah, Al. Last name: Coholic.
Moe: Lemme check... [to bar] Phone call for Al, Al Coholic! Is there an Al Coholic here? [bar denizens laugh] Wait a minute... [in phone] Listen, you yellow-bellied jackass, if I ever find out where you are, I'm gonna kill you!
Bart: Well, I was wondering... how important is it to be popular?
Homer: I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world.
Bart: So, like sometimes you can do stuff that you think is pretty bad so other kids will like you better?
Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?
Bart: No
Homer: Are you?!
Bart: No!
Homer: Then run along, you little scamp. Like I always say, a boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.
Bart: [about Jebediah Springfield] But that guy founded Springfield. He built our first hospital out of logs and mud. If it weren't for him all the settlers would have died in the great blizzard of '48.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 10th, 2007 Bart: Uh, ma'am, what if you're a really good person but you're in a really, really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher
Bart: Is Jock there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Jock, last name Strap.
Moe: Hold on. [calling out] Jock Strap! Hey, guys, I'm looking for a Jock Strap!
Bart: In the red trunks, with the record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of this house, battling Bart Simpson! Whoopee! Woo-woo-woo! And, in the lavender trunks, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats, oh, correction: humiliating defeats - all of them by knockout...
Homer: Must you do this every time?
Bart: Homer "The Human Punching Bag" Simpson.
Bart: I didn't do it. No one saw me do it. No one can prove anything.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 10th, 2007Bart: [to viewers] Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners; only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: the American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool gory pictures.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 25th, 2007Herman: When he leaves the Kwik-E-Mart, we start the saturation bombing. You got the water balloons?
Bart: Two hundred rounds, sir. Is it okay if they say "Happy Birthday" on the side?
Herman: Well, I'd rather they say "Death from Above," but I guess we're stuck.
Homer: Look at that, kids! No fighting, no yelling.
Bart: No belching.
Lisa: That dad has a shirt on!
Marge: Look, napkins!
Bart: These people are obviously freaks.