Bart Simpson Quotes (Page 5)
Homer Simpson: Oh, what a bleak and horrible future we live in!
Bart Simpson: Don't you mean "present?"
Homer Simpson: Right, right. Present.
Manager: [on phone] Your linen service has broken many promises to us. Laundry bill soar like eagle. [hangs up] Jerk.[walks over to Bart] So, you like to sneak into casinos?
Bart: I wasn't going to gamble. I just wanted a Bloody Mary.
Manager: Listen to me. Unless you change your deceitful ways. I foresee a life bitterness and failure for you, Bart Simpson.
Bart: How'd you know my name?
Manager: [holds up a legal document] Your father just took out a second mortgage downstairs. You're listed as collateral.
Bart: Oh. I thought that maybe you were some kind of Indian mystic who could tell the future?
Manager: Who says I'm not? If you want to see the future, throw a treasured personal item onto the fire. [Bart tosses a small object, which explodes with a bang] Not a firecracker!
Bart: Hey, I bought it from a guy on your reservation.
Manager: That's Crazy Talk.
Bart: No, it's true.
Manager: No, I know, that's my brother, Crazy Talk. We're all a little worried about him.
Marge: Hawaii, here we come!
Lisa: No, no! We're going to Paris, I can feel it!
Bart: Come on, Transylvania!
Homer: No, mon, let's go home to Jamaica! I and I been in Babylon too long.
PA: Attention. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure, and has four available mega-savers seats.
Marge: Come on, Homer - Japan!
Homer: No, no Japan, Jamaica! I want to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side!
Marge: But I fell in love with Homer Simpson. I don't wanna snuggle with Max Power!
Homer: Nobody snuggles with Max Power - You strap yourself in and feel the G's!
Marge: Oh Lord...
Homer: And it doesn't stop in the bedroom! Oh no! I'm taking charge! Kids, there's three ways to do things! The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way??
Homer: Yeah, but faster!
Bart (in a creepy British accent): Tune in tomorrow, and every day, until the curfew is lifted, because we'll be revealing embarrassing secrets about Springfield's other adults.
Homer: Well, at least they've already done me.
Bart: And we have plenty more on Homer Simpson.
Homer: D'oh!
Marge: It's so late. You kids have to go to bed.
Bart: But the flood's only knee high. At least let us watch till the midgets drown.
Lisa: Yeah, Mom. Come on. You let us stay up to watch Troy McClure in such other Bible epics as David Versus Super-Goliath and Suddenly, Last Supper.
Bart: Go, Lise. Way to cite precedent. [Bart and Lisa high-five]
Marge: We can't just give up our home. There's gotta be a way to get those guys out of there.
Bart: I say we set fire to the house. Kill 'em that way.
Marge: We don't want to kill them, Bart. We just want our home back.
Lisa: Well, if we did set fire to the house--
Marge: No fires!
Homer: I've got it!
Marge: No fires!
Homer: Oh.
Marge: There must be a way to outsmart them.
Homer: Ah, you can't outsmart carnival folk. They're the cleverest folk in the world. Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with those crooked games. [gasps] That's it. Fire! [Marge glares] Or--
Carnival Owner: Alright, now this geek bit is pretty straightforward. You just bite the heads off the chickens, take a bow. Go on, give it a try. Remember, big smiles.
Homer: Uh, Bart?
Bart: Yeah, Dad?
Homer: Do I like chicken?
Bart: Does it matter?
Homer: I guess not.
Homer: [singing] Alright, Marge, you've convinced me there are more terrible things, than musical comedies where everyone sings...
Lisa: [singing] There is something worse...
Bart: [singing] And it really does blow...
All: [singing] When a long-running series... does a cheesy clip show!
Bart: Why are we getting dressed up, Mom? Are we going to Black Angus?
Marge: Well, you might say we're going to the best steakhouse in the whole universe.
Bart: So we're not going to Black Angus.