Bob Kelso Quotes
Dr. Kelso:: What the hell's with her?
Dr. Cox:: She's mad, but she can't give me the "silent treatment", because she knows I'd actually love that. So she's giving me the "talk until I commit suicide treatment".
Dr. Kelso:: Sucks to be you.
Dr. Cox:: You have no idea. [Starts eating his newspaper]
Jack:: [To Dr. Kelso] Your skin is wrinkly.
Dr. Kelso:: Yeah, well that little shirt you're wearing is gay.
Dr. Kelso: Uh, Dr. Dorian, look. This is a bit awkward but as Chief of Medicine I feel obligated to ask you about your relationship with Dr. Briggs. Was she naughty? I bet she was a hellcat.
J.D.: Get help, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Never mind. It's better up here. [Points to head]
Dr. Kelso: This Friday, I am receiving an award from the A.M.A.--
Dr. Cox: Jerk-Off of the Year. No, Bastard of the Year! Uh, don't you tell me! Guy I Despise So Much, I'd Pay Someone To Kill Ya and Stuff Ya and Leave Ya by my Bed, So That When I Wake Up in the Morning, I Could Roll Over and Punch You in the Face...of the Year.
Dr. Kelso: Aaand we're back.
Kelso: Ahh, new Janitor uniforms, top priority! Right up there with silk jammies for the patients and a cat door for the ICU.
Janitor: I made some sketches.
Kelso: This one has a cape?!?
Janitor: That gives me the option of fighting crime. After work, of course. And this one, it's got sort of a medieval thing going.
Kelso: Is he on a horse?
Janitor: It's a steed sir.
Dr. Kelso: You youngsters. If there is one thing I have learned, it's that you can't schedule love.
Dr. Cox: I think your credit card statement would beg to differ.
Dr. Kelso: Hey, it's Turkleton.
Turk: Sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr. Kelso: And Mrs. Turkleton!! The Turkletons!! (as Carla walks up)
Dr. Kelso: I need your opinion about something.
Dr. Cox: [without looking up] Yes Bob, those pants do make you look like you're holding water.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, I’ll tell you the same thing I told that comic I once saw in a strip club in Reno: I'm not here for the jokes.
Dr. Cox: Bob, I cannot believe you’re going to turn this hospital into a money-making machine that coerces people into spending their hard-earned cash on expensive procedures they don’t even need.
Dr. Kelso: Why not? It sounds like something I’d do.
Dr. Kelso: Do you think I got to be chief of medicine by being late?
Dr. Cox: No. You got there by back-stabbing and ass-kissing.
Dr. Kelso: Maybe so, but I started those things promptly at eight.
