Bob Kelso Quotes (Page 2)
Ted: You wanna quit? Then quit! But you sir are a Worthless Peon! And you will always will be a Worthless Peon! [hangs up the phone, turns to Dr. Kelso] Sir, you know my band? The Worthless Peons. Well, Chris from shipping and receiving wants to go solo. We lose him, we lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair. What do you think I should do?
Kelso: Ted you know my rule about personal problems. I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.
Dr. Kelso: [into phone] Darling, I want to say something. For the past 25 years, we've been going through the motions -- once every couple of weeks we have sex, and then we have breakfast without saying a word. Well, tonight, I want you to put on a nice dress, because I'm gonna take you to dinner and I'm gonna start telling you all the things I haven't taken the time to say all these years. ... I love you, too.
[Kelso hangs up.]
Ted: That was... beautiful, sir!
Dr. Kelso: Thanks, Ted. Call my wife, tell her I won't be home tonight.
J.D.: Did he die?
Kelso: God I hope so, or that autopsy is going to be a bitch.
Ted: Unfortunately, you've, uh, put us in somewhat of a legal bind.
Kelso: Way to go, Ted. My God, man, you couldn't scare a child.
Ted: Who... who would want to?
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, one of the nurses found your stethoscope in the bathroom.
Elliot: Oh, thank you so much, sir --
Dr. Kelso: [whipping the stethoscope away] This isn't it, sweetheart. I had them leave yours where it was. Let's try to be a little more responsible, shall we?
Dr. Kelso: Doctor Cox, did you get my memo reminding all senior staff that lab coats must be worn at all times?
Dr. Cox: You know I did get it there Bob and at first I just threw it away, but then I decided that wasn't a grand enough gesture, so I made a replica of you out of straw and I put my lab coat on it with your memo in the pocket, and then I invited all the kids in the neighborhood to come over to light it on fire and whack it with sticks.
Elliot: Uh, Dr. Kelso! You're the Chief of Medicine, is there a 'special' way to communicate with the nursing staff that I'm not getting?
Dr. Kelso: Well, uh, sugar won't work because they're already so sweet. Now, listen Dr...Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is, you tattled yesterday, I responded - I feel closer to you than ever, really - but the ramifications are yours. So don't try to drag me into your pathetic, whiny, little squabble with that God-awful bunch of malcontents. I hope you all kill each other! Have a great day, ladies.
