Brian Quotes (Page 11)
Lois Griffin: Brian, there you are! Do you have any idea what time it is? Stewie was supposed to be in bed two hours ago!
Brian Griffin: Oh, yeah, he, uh... he's, um, he's... he was right here, right next to me like four hours ago.
Lois Griffin: What?! Brian, you were supposed to watch him! Oh, my little sweetie!
Stewie Griffin: Hey, Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald's with a bag full of burgers! You know, it's funny, I tried to walk home and, um, a lot of hungry deer walking around at this hour of the night and, um, oh, here's where the story gets fun. Uh, you may have noticed I'm missing an ear! [reveals a bloody spot where his ear should be] Managed to, uh, pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-Eleven. So when you're ready to apologize, just talk into this cup.
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Brian, this is inexcusable!
Peter Griffin: Yeah, what if something had happened to Stewie?
Stewie Griffin: My ear's in a cup, I guess that doesn't count.
Brian Griffin: Hey, hey, I'm not the kid's babysitter, all right? I have my own life to live!
Brian Griffin: Hey, how'd you sleep Peter?
Peter Griffin: Oh, Brian, last night I had this crazy dream I was eating a sheep and now my pillow's gone. Oh wait, here it is. What the hell was I eating?
[cut to half-eaten sheep, crawling on the carpet, blood spilling out of it]
Sheep: Meeeh! Meeeeh! Meeeh! Meeeh!
Peter Griffin: Oh, sorry.
Brian Griffin: Sometimes opposites work well together. In fact, Peter taught me that.
[cut to the music video for Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract" but with Peter with makeup and cat ears]
Paula Abdul: Two steps forward,
Peter Griffin: I take two steps back...
Paula Abdul: We come together
Peter Griffin: 'cause I'm dressed like a cat.
Paula Abdul: And you know, it ain't fiction,
Peter Griffin: Just a natural fact...
Paula Abdul: We come together,
Peter Griffin: 'cause I'm dressed like a cat.
Peter Griffin: But Dad, you're the one who said I should look into my heart to find my religion.
Francis Griffin: Yes, real religion! What I saw today wasn't religion, it was just a bunch of sheep, singing songs and listening to ridiculous tall tales.
Brian Griffin: Actually, that is religion.
Francis Griffin: Shut your trap, Brian!
Stewie Griffin: Ha! you tell him!
Stewie Griffin: Hey! finish the job, idiot! For God's sake, there's no ventilation! It smells like Brian Dennehey in here!
Brian Griffin: I see London, I see France, I see Stewie's unsightly, chaffed ass.
Stewie Griffin: Hey Gaybo. [points to his eyes] I'm up here, up here.
Brian Griffin: You... you really think splashing "magic water" on Stewie will keep him out of Hell?
Francis Griffin: Watch that kind of talk or you'll get your heathen head smacked!
Brian Griffin: Oh, that's very Christian: Believe what I say or I'll hurt you.
Francis Griffin: Now you're getting it!
Lois Griffin: So he has a few pictures of him strangling fat guys, that doesn't make him the fat guy strangler!
Brian Griffin: [runs over to the bed, lifts up the sheet] Oh yeah, What about the dead fat guy under his bed?
Lois Griffin: Coincidence?
Brian Griffin: What about the half-dead fat guy in the corner?
Half-dead Fat Guy: Patrick tried to kill me.
Lois Griffin: Well, maybe it's a different Patrick.
Brian Griffin: Lois!
Lois Griffin: Okay, Okay, Oh god Peter's out there with him!
Half-dead Fat Guy: Wait!, you gonna eat that dead fat guy?
[Brian sees a rock on the grass, picks it up and throws it at Peter]
Peter Griffin: Ahh! You missed!
Brian Griffin: No, I didn't. That's for rolling up the damn window when I tried to jump into The General Lee.
Joe Swanson: Oh, I can't do it [eat a steak], I'm...I'm so full.
Peter Griffin: Full of what, estrogen? C'mon, take the skirt off, you pansy!
Joe Swanson: Oh.
Glenn Quagmire: Let's go! Chow down, Mary Jane!
Joe Swanson: I said I can't.
Brian Griffin: Eat it! Eat the damn steak!
Peter Griffin: C'mon, what are you waiting for?
Joe Swanson: I can't. No, no, no...
Glenn Quagmire: Eat it, Joe, eat it!
Joe Swanson: I SAID I'M NOT HUNGRY! [takes out his gun and fires at the steak] WHERE IS IT NOW, HUH? WHERE IS IT NOW?!
Cleveland Brown: Easy, sailor, easy.
Peter Griffin: Put the gun down, Joe.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, nobody's judging you, man. It's cool.
Peter Griffin: Put this on.
Brian Griffin: Why?
Peter Griffin: Because, I'm skipping my physical to go have steaks with the guys, and I don't want Lois to know about it.
Brian Griffin: Um...okay.
[in the next scene, the horse suit walks past the couch]
Peter Griffin: [inside horse suit] Lois, I'm going to my physical now.
Lois Griffin: Okay, hunny, I'll see you later.
[Peter and Brian in the car, driving to the steak house]
Brian Griffin: Um... what, what the hell. I'll just ask it: Why did we need the horse suit for that?