Brian Quotes (Page 12)
Peter Griffin: Brian, I feel awful. Stewie and I were getting along so good, and now he hates me. How do I get him to like me again?
Brian Griffin: Well, that depends. Do you really want my advice, or are you just asking random questions again?
Peter Griffin: What's a hypotenuse?
Brian Griffin: Aw, don't feel bad Peter. Hey, I know what will cheer you up.
Peter Griffin: I don't think I'm in the mood.
Stewie Griffin: You know, the exam starts in three hours.
Brian Griffin: Oh, crap. All we did was work out.
Stewie Griffin: We should study.
Brian Griffin: Right.
Stewie Griffin: You know, I haven't taken a shower since we got here, I totally reek man, check this out... [Brian smells his underarms]
Brian Griffin: Ah! Come on!
Stewie Griffin: Tell me that's not epic!
Brian Griffin: [in the bathroom at The New Yorker] Um, where are the toilets?
Editor: Oh, no one at The New Yorker has an anus.
Brian Griffin: They want me to contribute to The New Yorker.
Stewie Griffin: The New Yorker? Oh, you'll fit in there as well as I did at Woodstock.
[cutaway to Stewie at Woodstock]
Stewie Griffin: Uh, excuse me, it's been brought to my attention that a few bad apples out there are smoking marijuana. Uh, I've got news for you, my friend. Marijuana's illegal. Not cool. [audience starts booing] Alright then. [Begins singing, to the tune of America the Beautiful] Establishment, establishment, you always know what's best...
Man in audience: You suck!
Stewie Griffin: Learn the rules!
Stewie Griffin (voiceover): "Cheeky Bastard" is filmed in front of a live studio audience. [Cut to a scene in the living room, where Stewie is sitting on the couch. Brian rushes in, wearing an apron and oven mitts]
Brian Griffin: Oh my God! Where's my roast pheasant?
Stewie Griffin: Hmm. By now, I think it's in my lower intestine. [canned laughter comprised of Stewie laughing]
Brian Griffin: You ate it? But I told you my boss was coming here for dinner!
Stewie Griffin: Well, unless he likes pork rinds, he's going home hungry. [the same canned laughter is heard again]
Brian Griffin: You cheeky bastard!
Stewie Griffin (to camera): The native man is an impressive physical specimen. Look closely at his sinewy muscular form and unusual vitality. It is a thrill to watch him dig a ditch or lift a jug of water or participate in a hunt.
Brian Griffin (filming): Cut, print, gay.
Lois Griffin: And to think, Brian, I was like a day away from having sex with you. [Brian's eyes open in shock] I was gonna push those beds together and take you around the freakin' world, Brian! But a nice pat on the head is just as good, huh? You want your ball? You want your ball?
Brian Griffin: No, Lois, I don't want the ball right now. I'll be in the basement.
Peter Griffin: Doing what?
Brian Griffin: WHAT DO YOU THINK? [family erupts in laughter]
Stewie Griffin: Oh... okay, somebody's gonna have to explain that to me.
Lois Griffin: Okay, I'm going out.
Brian Griffin: Where are you going?
Lois Griffin: To my...uh...uh, garden club.
Brian Griffin: It's 10:30 at night. And you have a saddle.
Lois Griffin: Well... it's a... I... um... [takes out a ball] What's this? What's this, Brian, huh? What's this, huh?
Brian Griffin: It's a ball.
Lois Griffin: Oh, is this your ball? You want it? Huh? You want this? Huh?
Brian Griffin: Yes, I would like-I would like it, please, yes.
Lois Griffin: Yeah, you want this? Huh? You want the ball?
Brian Griffin: Yes, I would like to have it very much.
Lois Griffin: You want it? Huh? You want the ball?
Brian Griffin: Yes-yes, I would enjoy having it, yes. Give it to me.
Lois Griffin: GO GET IT!!!
Brian Griffin: I-I'm sorry, Lois. I was mistaken. I thought you threw the ball in there, but I can see now you still have it.
