Brian Quotes (Page 13)
Peter Griffin: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait-wait-wait-wait... You and your girlfriend are taking the name James Woods off the high school?
Brian Griffin: Well, yes, for Martin Luther King.
Peter Griffin: That's crazy! You're gonna name the school after the star of Space: 1999?
Brian Griffin: No, that's Martin Landau.
Peter Griffin: Oh.... The guy who played Sheneneh?
Brian Griffin: That's Martin Lawrence.
Peter Griffin: The drunk crooner?
Brian Griffin: That's Dean Martin.
Peter Griffin: The drink that's best served on the rocks?
Brian Griffin: That's Martini & Rossi.
Peter Griffin: The guy on The West Wing?
Brian Griffin: Martin Sheen.
Peter Griffin: The guy from Platoon?
Brian Griffin: Charlie Sheen.
Peter Griffin: No, no, the other guy from Platoon.
Brian Griffin: Uh... uh, uh...
Peter Griffin: Come on...
Brian Griffin: Uh, uh, Wi-Willem Dafoe!
Peter Griffin: No, it was Tom Berenger. We were looking for Tom Berenger. Well, thanks for playing, Brian, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
Brian Griffin: You know what? I will have some of that popcorn. [he reaches into Adam West's bag and pulls out some corn on butter] What the... what the hell is this?
Mayor Adam West: Creamed corn. I brought it from home because I don't like the creamed corn they have here. It's too crunchy.
Brian Griffin: Well, that may seem a little harsh. I'm not gonna avoid Peter like the drunk chick at a party.
[cut to drunk chick at a party and music playing]
Drunk Chick: I just smoked on the wrong side of a cigarette! Who wants to go swimming? Oh, this song is so about me!
Brian Griffin: Oh, believe me, Peter does stupid things all the time. That's why he got fired from that airline.
[cut to Peter and another pilot flying a plane]
Stewardess: Coffee for you, Captain Griffin?
Peter Griffin: Thank you, Stewardess. Um, hey... where are we right now?
Stewardess: Uh, on an airplane?
Peter Griffin: Noooo... this room... what is this room called?
Stewardess: The flight deck?
Peter Griffin: [snickers] Nooooooo...
Stewardess: Control room?
Peter Griffin: [snickers] Noooooooooo...
Stewardess: C**kpit?
Peter Griffin: [laughs] Oh God, I told you I'd get her to say it!Oh, God. Alright, go on, get out of here.
Brian Griffin: That was you in disguise.
Stewie Griffin: No it wasn't.
Brian Griffin: Yes it was.
Stewie Griffin: No it wasn't.
Brian Griffin: Fine, it wasn't.
Stewie Griffin: HA! It was!
Stewie Griffin: Oh, Brian, there you are. Uh, can I talk to you about something?
Brian Griffin: Uh, yeah, what is it?
Stewie Griffin: That coffee mug you have on your desk that says "Life's a Beach"...um...that's dangerously close to the word "bitch," isn't it?
Brian Griffin: Uh, yeah, that's the joke.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, absolutely, and-and nobody appreciates a joke like Stewie. And, uh, y'know between you and me I think it's a stitch. But some of the other employees have found it offensive.
Brian Griffin: Other employees? Who else works here besides me?
Stewie Griffin: [pointing in Brian's face] FUCK YOU, that's who works here!!
Brian Griffin: You... you cannot tell them about this, please. Peter's not very discreet with private matters.
[cut away to overhead shot of Spooner Street]
Peter Griffin: Hey everybody! Meg just had her first period!
Joe Swanson: PETER! SHUT UP! IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING!!
Cleveland Brown: What the hell's going on out there?
Glenn Quagmire: Damn it! People are trying to sleep!
Peter Griffin: I'm just saying I'm proud of her! She's a woman! Yay!
Glenn Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now I am exhausted!
Asian Man: So, what exactly would you say qualifies you to be a sum wrestler?
Peter Griffin: Oh, are you kidding? I'm a born athlete. Just like Greg Louganis.
[cutaway to Peter sitting in a chair]
Peter Griffin [to the audience]: Hi, I'm Peter Griffin. You're probably asking yourself, "Which way are they gonna go? Are they gonna make a diving-board-head-injury joke? Are they gonna make an AIDS joke? Or, are they gonna make a joke about the fact that his last name sounds suspiciously like 'anus'?" Well, we're gonna take the high road and do a no-body-hair joke. Brian? [camera pans to show a hairless Brian in a Speedo ]
Brian Griffin: Hi, I'm Greg Louganis. I'm totally shaven.
Peter Griffin: Terrific. Terrific.
Brian Griffin: You know, you really should talk to a therapist about this. I mean, it really helped Peter out when he became obsessed with that fantasy world of his.
[cut to Peter in a room eating an apple while under a blanket, reading a book. The screen then cuts to outside where he is riding on Falcor from The Neverending Story]
Peter Griffin: YEAH!
Falcor: Peter, you're a little too heavy, buddy!
Peter Griffin: YEAH!
Falcor: We're going down.
Peter Griffin: YEAH!
Brian Griffin: Uh, hey, uh, Bonnie, uh, listen, why don't you stop with the questions, huh? You're-you're ruining everyone's good time. Like Peter did when he used to entertain terminally-ill kids.
[cut to Peter in a hospital with four kids in beds]
Peter Griffin: Hi there, how 'yall doing? Alright, so I'm at the DMV the other day. Long lines, long lines at the DMV, but, uh, you'll all find out about that when you get ol-- [the kids stare at him]' Oh, uhh...um, moving on. So I finally tried Viagra, and-- [hears a kid moaning. Peter walks up to his bed] Oh, we got a joker in the audience there. You uh, you got something you wanna say there, uh, Mr. Heckler?
Kid: Dying hurts!
Peter Griffin: Tell me about it. Anyway, who hates flying?
