Brian Quotes (Page 14)
Brian Griffin: Hey, is that ham? I thought you put that back.
Lois Griffin: Oh, um, no, I put the other ham back.
Brian Griffin: I don't remember another ham.
Lois Griffin: Heh. Well, you were too busy eyeballing that Redbook with Glenn Close on the cover.
Brian Griffin: Hey! She is a handsome woman.
Stewie Griffin: Well, well, look who's carrying a little flame for Glenn Close. What a surprise. Although, it's not the first time you've suprised me.
[cut away]
Brian Griffin: [wearing Lois' clothes] "Ooh, I have so much stuff to do today. I have to do laundry, then I have a piano lesson, then I have to make dinner; I'm so busy. Better hurry!"
Stewie Griffin: Lois! I want my graham cracker... oh.
Brian Griffin: You know, Peter, I hate to say "I told you so" about not being a genius, but... EEEYEAH!! IN YOUR FUCKIN' FACE, FUCKWAD!!!! ... I'm ... I'm sorry about that.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 10th, 2007 Brian Griffin: Uh, Peter, according to this, you're not a genius. In fact, you're mentally retarded.
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah? Well, would a mentally retarded guy have hired a bulldozer with a drunk driver to level half of his house in celebration of his fantastic test results?
Brian Griffin: Uh, maybe.
Peter Griffin: Uh-oh. [a bulldozer destroys the wall of the house coming in]
Bulldozer driver: Congratulations!
Lois Grifin: Well, now that the mess is all cleaned up and we're back from the emergency room, it's time for the last game of the night, Trivial Pursuit.
Peter Griffin: Oh, man, I hate Trivial Pursuit. Always makes me feel so stupid.
Brian Griffin: More stupid than that time you locked your keys out of the car?
[cut away to Peter sitting in his car]:
Peter Griffin: Damn it. H-hey, hey! Somebody! Hey!
Loretta Brown: OHHH!!
Brian Griffin: Hey, do you hear that?
Peter Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: Sounds like someone screaming.
Peter Griffin: What, what is it boy? What are you trying to say?
Brian Griffin: It's sounds like Loretta is screaming.
Peter Griffin: Trouble at the old mill?
Brian Griffin: What are you, insane!?
Peter Griffin: Somebody fall through the ice?
Brian Griffin: It's summer.
Peter Griffin: Bobcat?
Stewie Griffin: [singing] I want to have intercourse with you ... Uh, oh, yeah ... Intercourse with you
Brian Griffin: Relations!
Stewie Griffin: Intercourse with you-u-u-u ... Right?
Brian Griffin: Yeah, no, great, that sounds good.
Stewie Griffin: All right, all right, yeah, groovy, groovy. Now, uh, is there a shorter word for intercourse?
Brian Griffin: Uh, you know, Peter, just because you guys entertained a bunch of drunken idiots at a karaoke bar doesn't mean you have what it takes to form a band.
Peter Griffin: Oh, Brian, you're just ants at a picnic. We're gonna be awesome!
Brian Griffin: Wait, what-what am I? I'm ants at a picnic? Is-is that what you just said? I just, I-I'm ants at a picnic? All right, just making sure.
Brian Griffin: [sees Brutus] Peter, what the hell is that?
Peter Griffin: Ah, this is my seeing eye dog, Brutus.
Brian Griffin: What do you need a seeing eye dog for?
Peter Griffin: Well, 'cause I can't do anything for myself, Brian. I can't drive, I don't know when to cross the street, and I took a dump in a church confessional which I guess they frown upon if you're not homeless. I thought I could deal with being blind at first, but... I don't know. I-I haven't felt this out of place since that week I lived with Superman.
[cut to the Fortress of Solitude in Superman]
Superman: We must stop Lex Luthor before he irradiates the world's supply of gold. [Peter walks into the lair]
Peter Griffin: Uh, hi, uh, sorry. I know you've got a meeting going on, but, um...so, we are officially running low on Mr. Pibb and Cheez-Its. So, um, just putting it out there. If you're heading to the store later, uh, you know, uh, 800-mile drive for me, like, five seconds for you. Whatever. I'm not here.
Brian Griffin: Peter, if you'll just let me talk, I'll explain to you why you shouldn't do this.
Peter Griffin: Later, later, Brian. I gotta do something that people will remember me for. Which is why I've invented a new type of flying machine.
Stewie Griffin: You know, I vaguely recall seeing footage somewhere of something exactly like this that, uh... leads me to believe this probably won't work.
Peter Griffin: Alright, Stewie, let her rip.
Brian Griffin: Okay, you can stop that now.
Stewie Griffin: I can't hear you, i'm a robot!
Brian Griffin: Come on, knock it off.
Stewie Griffin: Does not compute!
Brian Griffin: I'm going to bed.
Stewie Griffin: I do not require sleep!
