Brian Quotes (Page 16)
Munich Tour Guide: You will find more on Germany's contributions to the arts in the pamphlets we have provided.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, uh, about your pamphlet... uh, I-I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone was on vacation! On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian Griffin: Wait, wait, wait, w-what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited! Punch was served! Check with Poland!
Brian Griffin: Wait, you can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour Guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian Griffin: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Father: No more balloon for you! I am sick of you tooling around the village in that thing, honking at the girls blasting your 1980s American rock music that we got here last week.
Son: But father...
Father: Go to your palace!
Brian Griffin: Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Stewie Griffin: Ugh, yes, just wait until they have to suffer through Jesus Jones. Pee-yew!
Brian Griffin: Not that. The balloon!
Brian Griffin: Great, I'm stuck on a trans-Atlantic flight with a petulant runaway. How could this get any worse?
Andy Rooney: You know what I hate about flying? The peanuts. First of all, you can't get 'em open. Who are they trying to keep out of these things?
Jerry Seinfeld: And what's the deal with the razor blade slot in the bathroom? Are people actually shaving in there?
Andy Dick: Hi, Andy Dick here. Excuse me, I've got to get my bag up in the overhead bin here.
Stewie Griffin: Well, let's see, what takes an hour? We could watch Rita Rudner do five minutes of stand-up.
Brian Griffin [uninterested]: Ba-zing.
Police officer: Why are you holding that infant's hand?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, we met on the Internet.
Brian Griffin: Shut up!
Stewie Griffin: Yes, he lured me down to the park with promises of candy and funny stories.
Lois Griffin: Brian, will you watch Stewie for a minute?
Brian Griffin: Sure.
Lois Griffin: And please keep an eye on him. Remember what happened last time?
[cut to Stewie jumping up and down on Peter and Lois' bed; Stewie has a normal shaped head]
Brian Griffin: Stewie, get down before you hurt yourself.
Stewie Griffin: Shut up, you're not my mother!
Brian Griffin: Good God, are you alright?
Stewie Griffin: Fine. Why do you ask?
Pearl Burton: Now go warm me up some of that diarrhea soup!
Brian Griffin: That's it! I have had it with you, you old hag! You're just a miserable, dried-up shut-in trying to make everyone else feel as bad as you do! Why don't you do the world a big favor and DROP DEAD?! Uh, this... this last one won't open...
Pearl Burton: Oh, you gotta jiggle it a little bit.
Brian Griffin: Like... like this?
Pearl Burton: No, here, let me get it. [undoes the lock]
Brian Griffin: Oh, thanks. And, uh...and, you know. Drop dead.
Brian Griffin: This is the worst job I've ever had. Well, except for one.
[flash back to the mall, outside Hickory Farms]
Brian Griffin [to customer]: Um, excuse me, would you like to taste my smoked meat log?
Lois Griffin: What happened with your date?
Brian Griffin: Same thing that always happens. She was an idiot.
Peter Griffin: What the hell did you do?
Brian Griffin: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?!
Peter Griffin: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his family at serious risk.
