Brian Quotes (Page 2)
Jillian: Brian, did you know that Daryl Hannah has one wooden finger?
Brian Griffin: Really? Where'd you hear that?
Jillian: In "Pe-Ople" magazine.
Brian Griffin: Peter, what the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be with Lois!
Peter Griffin: Oh, crap. Death!
Death: No! You... you know what? I'm not doing it again. Screw this! No more mulligans! You're on your own!
Death: Man, it's been a busy day. Dick Cheney, the chairman of Halliburton, shot Supreme Court Justice Scalia in a hunting accident, and the bullet went right through him and killed Karl Rove and Tucker Carlson.
Brian Griffin: Oh, my God, Peter, you can't marry Lois.
Peter Griffin: I don't know who any of those people are.
Brian Griffin: Ever hear the theory that if you kill a butterfly in the past, it can drastically alter the present? Well, who knows what else we changed?
[turns on the TV]
Announcer: Tonight on The Tonight Show, movie star George Clooney...
Peter Griffin: Oh, he's good.
Announcer: Comedian Dave Chappelle...
Brian Griffin: He's funny. Like him.
Announcer: And musician Harry Connick, Jr.
Peter Griffin: Wow, what a show!
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, heeeeeeeere's... Chevy!
Peter Griffin: Oh God, Brian, we messed up bad! We messed up real bad!
Brian Griffin: Relax, I was just being friendly.
Man: I will kick your ass anytime, anywhere!
Brian Griffin: Uh, okay. How about top of the World Trade Center, morning of September 11, 2001, 8:00 AM?
Man: I'll be there! You think I'll forget, but I won't!
Brian Griffin: So, uh, have you seen Ghostbusters?
Woman: Save your breath, geek wad. I'm here with my boyfriend!
Brian Griffin: You mean that quintessentially '80s guy with his collar turned all the way up?
Man: Are you hitting on my girlfriend?
Brian Griffin [to 18-year-old Lois]: Could I Wham my Oingo Boingo into your Velvet Underground?
• Vote for this Quote! • July 26th, 2007 Lois Griffin: Ugh, Brian's gonna be really upset when he finds out. Eh, I'll just take him for a ride in the car... he'll forget all about it.
[cut to Lois driving Brian around]
Brian Griffin [with excitement]: Wait a minute. I know where we are! The park is near here! We're near the park, Lois! Oh, that's the tree! I peed on that! Hey Lois! Lois! There's another dog in that car! Hey, hey! Hey! Hey! There's another dog in that car! Hey! Are you seeing that?! Hey! Hey! Hey! Other dog! F**k you!
Brian Griffin: Lois, undecided voters are the biggest idiots on the planet. Try giving short, simple answers.
Tricia Takanawa [to audience member]: Sir, your question, please?
Principal Shepherd: Mrs. Griffin, what do you plan to do about crime in our city?
Lois Griffin: A lot. [the audience applauds, Brian signals for her to go with it] Because... that's what Jesus wants. [the audience applauds louder, Brian signals for more] 9/11 was bad. [audience cheers and applauds loudly]
Man: I agree with that!
Lois Griffin: God, I can't believe how easy this is.
Stewie Griffin: Do you know where we are, Brian? This is a very special place. They say once every hundred years in this spot, Donny Most rises from the mist.
Brian Griffin: Eh, I think that's just a legend.
