Brian Quotes (Page 3)
Brian Griffin: Boy, this is gonna be long. So, uh, you kids develop any good pot connections at your school yet?
Chris Griffin: What?
Meg Griffin: Yeah.
Brian Griffin: Ah. Lois, we'll be right back. Meg's gonna take me outside to poop.
Brian Griffin: Texas? We're going to Texas in search of religious tolerance? That's gonna be like trying to get Sneakers O'Toole to take his sneakers off.
[cut to Sneakers walking]
Sneakers O'Toole:[Singing] I'm not taking my sneakers off, I am Sneakers O'Toole.
Man#1: Hey, Take those sneakers off.
Sneakers O'Toole: No!
Man#1: Take them off, I said!
Sneakers O'toole: No!
Man#2: Ah, let him go. We'll never catch him. Not in these shoes.
Sneakers O'Toole: I didn't take my sneakers off, I'm still Sneakers O'Toole.
Brian Griffin: Alright, so we roll the dice, and then we both have to yell "Yahtzee" really loud.
Stewie Griffin: At the same time?
Brian Griffin: Yeah, and you have to flap your wrists like this [flaps wrists flamboyantly]
Stewie Griffin: And you'll do it too?
Brian Griffin: 'Course. That's how it's done.
Stewie Griffin: Okay.
Brian Griffin: Alright. Ready?
Stewie Griffin: Okay, you gonna do it with me?
Brian Griffin: Oh yeah. [rolls dice, doesn't shout Yahtzee]
Stewie Griffin: [flaps wrists flamboyantly] YAHTZEE!
Brian Griffin: Gay.
Stewie Griffin: YOU SUCK!
Brian Griffin: Ahh, ahh, what the hell?!
Lois Griffin: No! No! You do not go on this lawn! Brian, I've had enough of this. It's more disgusting than when you gave me that Christmas gift.
[cut to the living room on Christmas Day]
Lois Griffin: Oh, what is it, a little birdie? Ah... oh, my God, it's dead! [she picks it up; everyone but Chris and Stewie hold their nose] Brian! Oh! Oh, Brian, this is disgusting! Oh, my God, Get it out if here!
Brian Griffin: I'm... I'm sorry. I thought... I thought you'd like it.
Chris Griffin: [opens his present, a dead cat] Brian, I love it! I'm gonna call you Sticky head. I love you, Sticky head.
Lois Griffin: Brian, what is this on my shoe?
Brian Griffin: My poop?
Lois Griffin: [grabs a Kleenex and wipes her shoe] That's right, and it's disgusting. I am sick of you using the front yard as your bathroom. It's time you learn to use the toilet like everyone else.
Stewie Griffin: [grabs Kleenez] Ah, I'm gonna sneeze, I'm gonna sneeze, I'm gonna sneeze, I'm gonna sneeze! [grabs Lois' Kleenex and sneezes] Ah-choo! [sees what was on it] AHHHHHHHHHH!!
Lois Griffin: Ah, Glenn, we are so thrilled for you.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, I guess it didn't take much for you to get your job back, now that you're a hero.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, and I'm so happy for you, I don't even mind that I was raped in a federal prison after I was arrested for hijacking.
Stewie Griffin: There's one more thing I need you to do before I die. Write down my final thoughts.
Brian Griffin: Oh, come on!
Stewie Giffin: I... don't have much time. Oh, squiggly line in my eye fluid, I see you there, lurking on the periphery of my vision. But when I try to look at you, you scurry away. Are you shy, squiggly line? Why only when I ignore you do you return to the center of my eye? Oh, squiggly line, it's all right. You are forgiven.
Brian Griffin: [answers phone] Hello? Hi, Dr. Hartman. All right, I'll tell him. Thanks, bye. [hangs up] You don't have cancer, you're gonna be fine.
Stewie Griffin: Really? Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God! Wait, wait. Look, there's no reason we can't finish the memoir anyway. Let's see what you've got so far. [All that is on the pad is a drawing of Brian hanging himself from a tree branch] Oh, you are just the worst type of person.
Brian Griffin: Devon, do you have a cigarette?
Devon: Sure. And here's a copy of my last movie. It's essentially Brokeback Mountain from the point of view of the horses.
[cuta to Brokeback Mountain, where two horses stand outside the tent where the men are sleeping]
Brown Horse: Hey, the sun's been up for an hour. Shouldn't we get riding?
Tan Horse: Uh, are they still sleeping?
Brown horse: I don't know, I'll check. AAAHHH! EWWWW! AAAHHH! RUN!
Tan Horse: What? W-what is it? What is it? What?
Brown Horse: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! RUN.
Brian Griffin: My God, look at you.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, look at my complexion, Brian. I am hot! I'll be getting more sex than that Wisconsin nympho who used to live upstairs.
[cut to Stewie trying to sleep in his room, with the nympho woman having loud sex]
Nympho Woman: Oh God. Oh God! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap!! Crap!! Crap!!! CRAP!!!! Oh, crap...
Brian Griffin: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter Griffin: Crack.
Brian Griffin: What the f**k?!
Peter Griffin: Hey, at least I'm not drinking, Brian.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, this isn't exactly a good substitute. Where'd you get crack?
Peter Griffin: From Black's.
Brian Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, right behind Black's Hardware store. There's a white guy selling it.