Brian Quotes (Page 4)
Meg Griffin: I can't believe Grandpa's dead.
Lois Griffin: Well, he did kinda treat us like crap, but yes, it is a tragedy.
Brian Griffin: It is a tragedy.
Lois Griffin: Excuse us.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, we'll be right back.
[Lois and Brian go out on the lawn where they jump for joy. They high-five, then Brian grabs Lois' breasts and wags his tail. Lois smacks him into the garbage cans, then they go back inside]
Lois Griffin: We're all gonna miss him.
Brian Griffin: Tragic.
Brian Griffin: How are we gonna get out of here?
Stewie Griffin: You still got the starting gun?
Brian Griffin: Yeah.
Stewie Griffin: Give it to me.
[a car approaches]
Stewie Griffin: [holding the driver at gunpoint]: GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR RIGHT NOW, MAN!
Driver: OH, JESUS!
Stewie Griffin: GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!
Driver: OH, MY GOD!
Stewie Griffin: DO IT! GO! DO IT OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!
Brian Griffin: Did we just carjack someone?
Stewie Griffin: We sure did, Brian. We sure did.
Brian Griffin: Look, Stewie, don't you think at some point you're gonna have to let Rupert go? I mean, you are getting a little old to have a teddy bear.
Stewie Griffin: Brian, I'm one!
Brian Griffin: Still?
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: Look, I'm not going to Colorado. I'm turning around and going home.
Stewie Griffin: Fine, then, I'll go by myself. See you from the back of my milk carton. Want that on your conscience, Brian? Try explaining this to Lois. You'll wind up in a Dumpster with a bunch of slow, un-adoptable greyhounds.
Brian Griffin: Don't joke about that! That's like the Holocaust to us!
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, well, when greyhounds start running The New York Times and the World Bank, I'll be more inclined to believe you.
Mayor Adam West: Can I help you, gentlemen?
Brian Griffin: Follow that truck! Didn't you hear me? I said "Follow that truck!"
Mayor Adam West: Oh, I heard you. What I didn't hear was "please."
Brian and Stewie: Please follow the truck!
Stewie Griffin: Why have you brought me to the toy store, Brian?
Brian Griffin: I'm buying you another Rupert. [grabs a toy gorilla] Hey, this one's cute, huh? [reads tag] And if we buy it, they save a real gorilla in the wild... and if we don't, they kill one. Wow, these guys are playing hardball.
Peter Griffin: How much for the gloves?
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are yours.
Peter Griffin: Ten bucks! Two! Seven! Four! Five-fifty! Ten! Sold! Sucker. I would have gone to 15 easy. I am so stupid.
Lois Griffin: Brian, did you get into the garbage last night?
Brian Griffin: Uh, no. Why?
Lois Griffin: Don't lie to me, Brian.
Brian Griffin: I'm not lying...
Meg Griffin: Hi, honey.
Brian Griffin: What?
Meg Griffin: I was thinking about our kiss last night... I never knew how flat and wide your tongue was.
Brian Griffin: Yeah...
Meg Griffin: You know, I thought about how you stood up for me at the dance and all the nice things you said. We should totally be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Brian Griffin: Well, Meg, uh... you know what's strange? Uh, I... I think I might be gay. Uh, I... I saw this penis on the Internet today and I thought to myself, "Well, that's... that's just fine."
Connie D'Amico: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed here, so you're gonna have to leave, but Brian can stay.
[she and another couple laugh]
Brian Griffin: You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie D'Amico: Excuse me?
Meg Griffin: Brian, let's just go.
Brian Griffin: No, no, no, no, no, hang on. Hang on, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving hand jobs when you were 12. But now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19 you're gonna be a worn-out, chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want. How's that, am I in the ballpark?
Stewie Griffin: Here she is! Brian, I present to you your polished turd for the evening.
Meg Griffin: How do I look, Brian?
Brian Griffin: Ahhhhhhh, you sure do, Meg.
Stewie Griffin: FYI, the carpet matches the drapes. In color and quantity. You ever seen a blacksmith's apron?
