Brian Quotes (Page 7)
Brian Griffin: Hey, I'm just trying to be ethical.
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, Right. You hate all mega-stores ever since you were petted way too hard by that special boy in front of K-Mart.
[cut to K-Mart, where Brian is putting away a shopping cart and a special boy in a padded helmet approaches him and starts petting him heavily, knocking him down]
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Ow.
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Ow!
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Too hard!
Special Boy: I like doggy!
Brian Griffin: Too hard!
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Gonna bite!
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Gonna bite!
Brian Griffin: Giant megastores like Superstore USA are ruining this country. They don't pay their employees a decent wage or give them health benefits.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, yeah, all gay guys hate Superstore USA.
Brian Griffin: What?
Stewie Griffin: Hmm?
Stewie Griffin: Hey, Brian, I'm not going to recycle this aluminum can. I'm just going to throw it in the trash.
Brian: [pretends not to care, then after a moment, he goes and moves the can to the recycling bin as Stewie leaves]
Stewie Griffin [comes back]: Ha!! You're Earth's bitch!
Lois Griffin: Oh. My God, it's hot! Brian, did you turn off the air conditioner?
Brian Griffin: Just open a window. Air conditioners are harmful to the ozone layer.
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Brian, please. Save your hippie B.S. for the winter months, okay?
Peter Griffin: I see. And does the sedan protect against missiles?
Sleazy Salesman: It does not.
Peter Griffin: Ah, you hear that, Meg? Yeah, it does not protect against missiles. See, these-these are the questions. This is why I'm here.
Brian Griffin: Peter, you can't be serious. This is a 30 ton war machine!
Peter Griffin: Ah, I'm still not sure...
Sleazy Salesman: Did I mention the tank is a tank?
Peter Griffin: Sold!
Brian Griffin: Look at all these Hummers. What kind of jerk would drive one of those?
[cut to a man in an SUV]
SUV driver: Dude, this car kicks ass! And I can watch "Madagasacar" while I'm driving!
Alex the Lion: What kind of music do you like, Gloria?
Gloria the Hippo: Hippo hop! Woohoo! Yeah, baby!
SUV driver: Dude, those animals are so f**king funny they make me want to merge without looking!
Joe Miller: After all, AIDS is a deadly, incurable disease. But however you come to judge the behavior of Charles Wheeler and his partners in moral, ethical, and human terms, when they fired Andrew Beckett because he had AIDS, they broke the law.
Brian Griffin: [horrified] My god, what is wrong with you?
Brian Griffin: Alright, look, let's get one thing straight, Stewie. The only reason you're here is that my boss ordered me to bring you on. Alright? This is my show, and it's a serious intellectual hour of discussion, and I want to keep it that way.
Stewie Griffin: Hey, no problem.
Brian Griffin: Alright, in three, two one! [on air] This is the lunch hour, with your host-
Stewie Griffin: HEYYYYYYYYYYY, WHAT'S UP, QUAHOG?! From the station that reaches the beaches, you're listening to Dingo and the Baby!
Brian Griffin: Well, I guess Stewie couldn't be any worse than Tim McCarver is at sportscasting.
[cut to Tim McCarver sportscasting]
Tim McCarver: In my view, as good as the Yankees were in the first half of this game, that's how as bad they've been now.
Brian Griffin: Whoa! Sometimes the, uh, crazy ones get through. OK, we have Rose from Cranston on the phone. Welcome, Rose, can I take your order?
Stewie Griffin [on the phone in falsetto voice]: Um, yes, that turkey... that raw turkey that you ate off the counter last week that got Lois mad: When you pooped that out, was the timer still in there?