Carl Carlson Quotes
Homer: Are you gonna torture me?
Lenny: We can't tell you. Not knowing is the worst torture of all!
Carl: Well, that and the rat helmet. [Lenny and Carl throw Homer in his cell]
Lenny: Now, get some sleep, you got a 9 AM rat helmet.
Homer: (groans) 9 AM?!
Homer: I shouldn't be here, I was framed!
Carl: You think you got problems, the guy in the iron mask over there is the rightful king of France.
King of France: Oh did you guys hear that, he just admitted it! Guys? GUYS? [kicks ground] Oh man, this place is so unfair!
Lenny: I can't tell when Lenny ends and Carl's begin.
Carl: Statements like that are why people think we're gay.
Carl: I don't get it. What's so "great" about this depression?
Lenny: I like how everything is sepia tone. Makes me all nostalgic.
Abe: I didn't think it would come to this when I fought in the First World War.
Lenny: Why do you keep calling it that?
Abe: Oh, you'll see!
Lenny: Ya know Moe, that sign is powered by non-American workers.
Moe: So? The beer is German and the TV is Japanese.
Carl: You got anything here made in America?
Moe (angrily gets out shotgun): This! (cocks the gun, but the back explodes in his face) Oh God! Misfire!
boy Lenny: Hey, you must be Homer! I'm Lenny, and this is Carl.
boy Homer: Wow, a Negro!
boy Carl: We prefer the term "black."
boy Homer: So cool.
Carl: I'm not sure which code is better. The six is closer to the three, so ya got convenience there. But the nine has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.
Homer: What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.
Carl: What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it, and that big radio campaign.
Lenny: Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the Space Shuttle, and the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.
Homer: Not a single word of warning.
Carl: ...Let's make litter out of these literati!
Lenny: That's too clever, you're one of them!
Movie narrator: Once we collect enough money for fuel, our leader will throw open the doors of the forbidden barn where we will all board our intergalactic vehicle-- rows one through 30 first. Upon our arrival, we will begin our new, perfect lives on Blisstonia, well-known for its high levels of bliss.
Carl: Hey, I don't know about you, but they're not exactly winning me over with these lousy production values here. I'm gonna slip out. [stands up, spotlight is shone on him]
Man on speaker: Uh, you're free to leave whenever you want, but would you mind telling us why?
Carl: Oh, I just didn't, uh-- I didn't think, um-- Oh, it's-- it's pretty good.
Frank Grimes: God. He eats like a pig.
Lenny: I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.
Frank Grimes: Well, some kind of farm animal anyway. And earlier today, I saw him asleep inside a radiation suit. Can you imagine that? He was hanging from a coat hook.
Lenny: Yeah, he had three beers at lunch. That would make anybody sleepy.
Frank Grimes: I've never seen him do any work around here. What is his job?
Lenny: Safety inspector.
Frank Grimes: That irresponsible oaf?! A man who by all rights should have been killed dozens of times by now?!
Lenny: Umm, 316 times by my count.
Frank Grimes: That's the man who's in charge of our safety? It boggles the mind!
Carl: Yeah, it's best not to think about it.
