Chef Quotes (Page 2)
Chef: Hello, is this customer service? I'm having a problem with my new television, it's sprouted laser guns and started walking around shooting people.
• Vote for this Quote! • September 3rd, 2007 Chef: Stan, sometime God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful god, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it! So he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?
Stan: But then why does God give us anything to start with?
Chef: Well, look at it this way! If you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away! If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, it would have nothing to cry about! That's like God, who gives us life and love and health, just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry. So he can drink the sweet milk of our tears! You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.
Stan: I think I understand.
Chef: Parents. There are reasons why teachers can't teach sex in school. They might not know a lot about it (camera fixes on Mr Mackey), they might have a bad opinion of it (camera moves to Ms Choksondik) or they might just be a complete pervert (camera moves to Mr Garrison).
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007 Chef: The right time to start having sex is 17.
Sheila: So you mean 17 as long as you're in love?
Chef: Nope, just 17.
Gerald: But what if you're not ready at 17?
Chef: 17, you're ready.
Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?
Chef: Dag-nabbit children! How come every time you come in here you gotta be askin' me questions that I shouldn't be answering?! "Chef, what's the clitoris?" "What's a lesbian, Chef?" "How come they call it a rim job, Chef?" For once, can't you just come in here and say, "Hi Chef. Nice day, isn't it?"!
Stan: Ok. Hi Chef. Nice day isn't it?
Chef: Thank you. Yes, it is a nice day
Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?
Stan and Kyle: Hello Chef.
Chef: My name isn't Chef anymore children, I converted to Islam.
Stan: Islam?
Chef: From now on, my name is Abdul Mohammed Jabar Rauf Kareem Ali.
Mr. Garrison: And never let poontang come between you and your friend!
Chef: Damn right, Garrison!
Chef: I got something to tell you.
Cartman What?
Chef: you're not gonna like it...
Cartman: What?
Chef: It's really gonna piss you off...
Cartman: What?
Chef: Okay. This is a dream. You still on that cross!
Cartman [Wakes up]: Goddamnit!!!
Chef: 2 million dollars! The only way I can raise that kind of money is by whorein' myself to every woman in town.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 30th, 2007 Chef: My Salty Chocolate Balls must have re-juvenated him!
Kyle: You've got the best balls in the whole world, Chef.
Chef: You're daaamn right.
