Chief Wiggum Quotes
Wiggum: [after impersonating siren] I'm gonna stop now.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007Chief Wiggum: By the shores of Gitche Gumee / By the shining Big Sea Water / Stood the Wiggum of Nokomis...I'm sorry, did I just say "Wiggum"? I...I meant "wigwam." Yeah, let me, uh, let me start again. (audience groans)
• Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007Wiggum: Well, I I'd like to thank you both for cooperating with-DID YA DO IT!?
Marge: Chief Wiggum, Homer and I are innocent.
Wiggum: I'm sorry I can't believe I tried to trick you with such an underhanded ques-DID YA DO IT!?
Marge:NO!
Homer: Now if you'll excuse us, we'll be on our-DOES THAT EVER WORK!?
Wiggum: Nah, nah it never does.
Homer: Book him, Lou.
Wiggum: Yeah sure, go ahead. I'll be back on the streets by dinnertime! You'll see.
Homer: You know, if you let us go, there's a diamond necklace in it for you.
Wiggum: I hope you're not suggesting that I would take that necklace as a bribe. Think again, dirtbag, cause I can swipe it later from the evidence locker.
Lou: (burning the town's candy in a giant bonfire) Even this promotional Johnny Depp from the movie 'Chocolat'?"
Chief Wiggum: We melted for him, now he's gonna do likewise. (the sculpture is thrown into the fire and melts into The Scream)
Cop: [Monopoly hat piece crashes through the window] Another case of Monopoly related violence, sir?
Wiggum: Yeah, don't those Parker brothers ever get any sleep at night? We best send in the Negotia-bot.
Brenda: [a female looking police robot enters the simpson house] I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner -- DESTROY! DESTROY! [wraps the whole family up in a white substance, which turns out to be taffy, and drags them outside]
Wiggum: Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here.
Brenda: No way! This is my collar! [Wiggum switches off Brenda's power switch; Brenda shuts down]
Wiggum: Too bad real women don't come with these, huh? [laughs]
Homer: You got that right.
Wiggum: Quiet, you. That counts as your phone call.
Wiggum: [answering phone] 9-1-1. This'd better be good.
Marge: I just cut off my husband's thumb!
Wiggum: ATTEMPTED MURDER?! YOU'LL BURN FOR THIS! BURN IN JAIL!
Marge: It was an accident!
Wiggum: Yeah, yeah. Save it for "Dateline: Tuesday." Uh, what's your address so I can come arrest you?
Marge: Arrest me? Um, my address, it's um, 1-2-3 ... Fake Street.
Wiggum: [writing address down] 1-2-3 Fake Street. Okay see you soon!
Homer: Carnies took over our house! You've gotta help us!
Chief Wiggum: Well, well, look who's here. Mr. No-Bribe. Sure, we'll help you. Just sit down and wait for Detective Like-I-Give-A-Damn.
Homer: Thank you so much.
Lisa: Dad.
Homer: Honey, Daddy's waiting for the detective.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys, but I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
Homer: [laughs] And how.
Chief Wiggum: Gee, I'd hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little, uh, understanding here. [Holds out the palm of his hand and motions his fingers so as to suggest that this is a bribe]
Homer: I understand.
Bart: Um, hey, Dad, I-- I think he wants--
Homer: Not right now, son. Daddy's talking to a policeman.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. [nods as he says Bill] Have you seen any Bills around here? [nods]
Homer: No. [points at Bart] He's Bart.
Chief Wiggum: [groans] I-- Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, okay?
Homer: Okay.
Chief Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for--wink--is Mr. Bribe--wink, wink. [holds out hand again]
Homer: It's a ring toss game.
Chief Wiggum: All right, that's it, I'm shutting this game down.
Lisa: Wait! Doesn't the Bible say "Judge not, lest ye be judged yeself?"
[The townspeople mutter agreement.]
Chief Wiggum: The Bible says a lot of things. Shove her!!!
