Chief Wiggum Quotes (Page 3)
Chief Wiggum (shooting into the portal): Take that, ya lousy dimension!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 23rd, 2007Frink: Here is an ordinary square.
Wiggum: Whoa, whoa, slow down, egghead!
Frink: But, suppose we extend the square beyond the two dimensions of our universe, along the hypothetical Z-axis there. (everyone gasps as he draws a cube) This forms a three-dimensional object known as a cube or a Frinkahedron, in honour of its discoverer.
Chief Wiggum (after shooting a very tall man): See, they're not so tough.
Lou: Uh, Chief, that wasn't a monster. That was the captain of the high school basketball team.
Wiggum: Yes, well, uh, he was turning into a monster.
Chief Wiggum: Okay, we can all stop worrying now, these dogs never fail.
Kirk: But... will they just find Milhouse, or will they find him and kill him?
Chief Wiggum: Well, they'll...when they find him, they'll... um, um... [mumbles incoherently]
Kirk: Uh, excuse me, you didn't answer me, you just trailed off.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah... yeah, I did kind of trail off, there, didn't I?
Mayor Quimby: We'll blow up our dams, destroy forests, anything! If there's a species of animal that's causing problems nosing around your camera, we'll have it wiped out!
Director: Look, we just want to make movies, not kill things.
Chief Wiggum: Riiight, we understand... Heh.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, right. No jury in the world would convict a baby. Hmm....maybe Texas.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 23rd, 2007 Willie: I'm tellin' ya! I couldn'ae have shot Burns!
[He uncrosses, then recrosses his legs. Eddie c**ks his pistol.]
Eddie: This is your last warning about that.
Willie: It's impossible for me to fire a pistol! If you'll check me medical records, you'll know I have a cripplin' arthritis in me index fingers! Look at 'em! I got it from Space Invaders in 1977.
Chief Wiggum: Oh, yeah. That was a pretty addictive video game!
Willie: Video game?
Selma: Mr. Burns has been shot.
Wiggum: Just a minute! This isn't Mr Burns at all! It's a mask! [pulls at face a little] Wait, it is Mr. Burns. Heh heh, his wrinkly skin looks like a mask.
Marge: I don't think we'll ever know who did this. Everyone in town's a suspect.
Hibbert: Heh heh heh. Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can you? [points at camera, which pulls back so that he is actually pointing at Wiggum]
Wiggum: Yeah, I'll give it a shot, I mean, you know, it's my job, right?
Wiggum: Behold, the two headed dog, born with only one head! And behold, out of the mists of time, the legendary Esquilax, a horse with the head of a rabbit, and the body....of a rabbit.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Chief Wiggum: (to prisoners) Alright, I'm gonna make a little deal with you mugs. I'll let you all out to see my team play the hockey game if you promise to return to your cells.
Snake: Sorry, pig. We can't make that promise.
Chief Wiggum: Alright, alright, I'll sweeten the deal. You can see the game, you don't have to come back, but you have to promise not to commit any more crimes, okay?
Snake: No.
Chief Wiggum: I'll take that as a yes. (opens jail cells, prisoners run out)
Prisoners: Alright! We're free!