Chief Wiggum Quotes (Page 4)
Chief Wiggum: Oh, sorry folks. (Sarcastic) Gee, I really hate to spoil this little love-in, but Mr. Malloy broke the law. And when you break the law, you gotta go to jail.
Mayor Quimby: Uh, that reminds me, er, here's your monthly kickback.
Chief Wiggum: You just -- you couldn't have picked a worse time.
Chief Wiggum: Oh, Simpson, what are you doin' up here?
Homer: My wife's having a girl's night out!
Chief Wiggum: Ah, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman, though, 'cuz one time I...[chuckles sheepishly]
Bart: [pointing to Bob] Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
Lou: Uh, what'd you say, Chief?
Chief Wiggum: ...Just do what the kid says.
Wiggum: And once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and legal.
Homer: Is that so? Oh, Flanders! Won't you join me in my kitchen?
Wiggum: Uh, it doesn't work if you invite him.
[Flanders enters.]
Flanders: Hey-dilly hey!
Homer: [sourly] Go home.
Flanders: [unfazed] Too-dilly doo!
Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me Chief Piggum!
[Everyone in the courtroom laughs.]
Chief Wiggum: Heh, now I get it! That's good.
Lisa: Cheif Wiggum, how did you get these tickets?
Cheif Wiggum: Krusty knows how to play ball.
[Flashback: Krusty sits in a porno theater. Wiggum enters behind him.]
Cheif Wiggum: Ahhh...nothin' beats a good porno movie!
Krusty: (startled) Cheif Wiggum! Is this a bust?
Cheif Wiggum: Uh, yeah. That's what it is, a bust.
[Back to reality...]
Lisa: That story isn't appropriate for children!
Cheif Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.
Lou: There's two guys fighting at the aquarium Chief.
Cheif Wiggum: Do they still sell those frozen bananas?
Lou: I think so.
Cheif Wiggum: Let's roll!
Wiggum: The town charter says that in an emergency, I run the show!
Quimby: We'll see about that! To Town Hall!
Wiggum: Fine! (calm) Should we take one car, or should I follow you?
Quimby: [to Wiggum] Watch it, you walking tub of donut batter!
Wiggum: Hey, I got pictures of you, Quimby.
Quimby: You don't scare me. That could be anyone's ass!
Chief Wiggum: No, you got the wrong number. This is nine-one... two.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 13th, 2007