Chris Griffin Quotes
Brian Griffin: Lois, my God, what happened?! We thought you were dead!
Chris Griffin: Mom, we thought Dad killed you!
Lois Griffin: No. He didn't, Chris. But someone tried to.
Peter Griffin: Do you remember who it was?
Lois Griffin: Yes I do. IT WAS STEWIE!
Lois Griffin: Hey, and look on the bright side. Maybe you've got another chapter for your [bursts out laughing] book! [the rest of the family joins in]
Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, pile it on! Pile it on!
Chris Griffin: Welcome home, asshole!
Meg Griffin: Wow, Dad, thanks for keeping us entertained! That was a great story!
Chris Griffin: Yeah, but didn't Robot Chicken already do this three months ago?
Peter Griffin: Well, I wouldn't worry about it, Chris. I-I don't know if people are even aware of that show's existence.
Chris Griffin: Well, I don't know, Dad. I think a decent number of people watch it.
Peter Griffin: Oh, really? Define "decent".
Chris Griffin: I think it's the highest rated show on Cartoon Network, and the Star Wars episode doubled that audience.
Peter Griffin: Well, yeah, but double ten people is, like, twenty people, so, I mean, what kind of numbers are we talking about here, you know?
Chris Griffin: Don't be glib about this stuff, Dad. It's a legitimate show, and they beat you to the punch.
Peter Griffin: Uh, I-I don't know about that, Chris. I mean, to me a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC, you know, one of the real networks.
Luke Skywalker (Chris): They're coming too fast!
Han Solo (Peter): [under his breath] Oh boy. Nickel for every time that's happened... just keep shooting, Luke!
Luke Skywalker (Chris): See what you can do. I'm gonna shoot some wamp rats in my T-16.
C-3PO: You kill small animals for fun?! That's the first indication of a serial killer!
Luke Skywalker (Chris): There's two suns and no women! What am I suppose to do?!
Lois Griffin: Hey, you guys.
Chris Griffin: Mom, everyone on TV says you're running the town great. Maybe you could do some damn laundry once in a while.
Lois Griffin: What?
Chris Griffin: What?
Chris Griffin: Hi. I'm going door-to-door to campaign on behalf of Lois Griffin, who's offering real change for the city of Quahog. May we count on your vote next Tuesday?
[the camera pans to the person at the door, who turns out to be Lois]
Lois Griffin: Chris, this is our house.
Chris Griffin: Ah. Then what is for dinner?
Lois Griffin: Pork chops.
Chris Griffin: Excellent.
Lois Griffin: Chris, have you been to any other houses?
Chris Griffin: I have not.
Lois Griffin: Would you like to come in?
Chris Griffin: Please.
Principal Shepherd: All right, we'll drop the dumbest student we have... Chris Griffin is hereby expelled!
Chris Griffin: But if I leave now, I won't hear who the dumbest kid in the school is!
Brian Griffin: Boy, this is gonna be long. So, uh, you kids develop any good pot connections at your school yet?
Chris Griffin: What?
Meg Griffin: Yeah.
Brian Griffin: Ah. Lois, we'll be right back. Meg's gonna take me outside to poop.
Chris Griffin: Dad, why aren't you taking the car?
Peter Griffin: Chris, we're in Texas now. If I'm not riding a horse, I'm gonna stick out like a straight guy in a skating competition.
[cut to straight guy skating]
Straight Guy: Boo-ya! Triple salchow in your face! Hey, you want this? Huh? You want some of this? Oh, man, look at your rack. I'd motorboat that. I'd motorboat the hell out of it! Right after this layback spin.
