Chris Griffin Quotes (Page 2)
Chris Griffin [holding a steak] The guy at table seven complained there's not enough juice on his prime rib.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, did he now? Well, let me take care of that for him. [picks up a rat, force-feeds it a bottle filled with some liquid, holds it over the plate, and makes it vomit on the steak] Tell him, "Bon appétit, douchebag."
Brian Griffin: Ahh, ahh, what the hell?!
Lois Griffin: No! No! You do not go on this lawn! Brian, I've had enough of this. It's more disgusting than when you gave me that Christmas gift.
[cut to the living room on Christmas Day]
Lois Griffin: Oh, what is it, a little birdie? Ah... oh, my God, it's dead! [she picks it up; everyone but Chris and Stewie hold their nose] Brian! Oh! Oh, Brian, this is disgusting! Oh, my God, Get it out if here!
Brian Griffin: I'm... I'm sorry. I thought... I thought you'd like it.
Chris Griffin: [opens his present, a dead cat] Brian, I love it! I'm gonna call you Sticky head. I love you, Sticky head.
Meg Griffin [typing on laptop]: Don't mind me, you guys. I'm just writing a letter to my boyfriend. [types aloud] "Dear My Boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me were really pretty. Just like you said I am. Love, Meg."
Chris Griffin: Meg, you are so full of crap. You're like those people who sit in Starbucks and publicly write on their laptops.
[cut to Starbucks, where two men are typing on laptops]
Man 1: Hey, gettin' some writing done there, buddy?
Man 2: Yeah, settin' up in public so everybody can watch me type my big screenplay.
Man 1: Me too. All real writers need to be seen writing, otherwise, what's the point, right?
Man 2: You should totally write that down.
Man 1: Okay. Will you watch me?
Chris Griffin: AHHHHHHHH! Mom! Dad! There's somebody in my treehouse!
Lois Griffin: Yeah, and there's an annoying little homo screaming in my kitchen. Which one do you think I'm more pissed about?
Homo Dwarf: I'll remind you that I was invited here!
Herbert: Sellin' your old hand-me-downs?
Chris Griffin: Yup!
Herbert: You got anything you used to wear in the summertime?
Chris Griffin: Just these old shorts.
Herbert: Sweet Jesus!
Chris Griffin: Mayor West?
Mayor Adam West: Quiet, young man, can't you see we're having a poker game? Now, I'll ask again. If I order a pizza, will anyone else have some?
Mark: I might have a slice.
Mayor Adam West: Well, you know, I'm going to need more of a commitment than that, Mark.
Peter Griffin: Huh, I guess I've learned a little something about what it means to be a good dad.
Chris Griffin: Hey, Dad, you wanna play baseball?
Peter Griffin: Oh, my God, could you leave me alone? You are the neediest kid!
Tom Tucker: I heard you like milkshakes.
Peter Griffin: Oh, boy, do I!
Tom Tucker: Let's go get ourselves a shake, huh?
Peter Griffin: Yeah!
Chris Griffin: I want to get a milk shake too!
Peter Griffin: Too bad - go get your own father.
Chris Griffin: Well, I can't do it to them. They're my parents.
Vanessa: Don't you ever wanna inherit this house, you fat f**k? Or am I the only one who has any desire to move out from under the f**king power lines? What's that? Oh, it's Cancer!
Chris Griffin: Can we please not do this in front of Pablo?
Peter Griffin: What the hell is this?
Brian Griffin: Well, it looks like an intermission. A chance to stretch the old legs.
Peter Griffin: Aw, man, I peed in this cup for nothing?
Chris Griffin: Oh, Dad, I just kicked over your coke.
Stewie Griffin: I look atrocious. Did you see my ass? Oh, my God!
Meg Griffin: This stinks! I can't believe they cut my whole sex scene. It was so tastefully done!
Lois Griffin: Hey Peter, could you go to the concession stand? I want something to suck on.
Glenn Quagmire: Giggity-giggity?
Cleveland Brown: Hey, Quagmire, you think we got time to go outside and burn one?
Glenn Quagmire: Aw, you mean it's not over yet? How long is this thing?
Herbert: Chris, do you have a shower scene? Or do I have to keep dreamin'? Mmmmm...
Brian Griffin: Alright, we're back.
