Chris Rock Quotes
Chris: Greg, we're going to the movies, not Gilligan's Island.
Narrator: If we did, Greg would've gotten with Mrs. Howell.
Mr. Newton: It's algebra, the math of the unknown.
Chris: Then I must be doing great, 'cause I don't know it.
Chris: Momma, do I have to go to school? I mean, it's snowin' like crazy.
Rochelle: It's snow, Chris, not Armageddon. Now hurry up. You know the buses are gonna be runnin' slow.
Chris: [speaking in front of the class] To me, Thanksgiving means family and togetherness. Thanksgiving came about when the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock. The Indians greeted them, provided them shelter, taught them how to grow corn and how to prepare for the winter, and went on to cook one of the greatest meals the pilgrims ever ate. And in their appreciation for showing them how to prosper and survive in this brave new world, the pilgrims killed the Indians and created a holiday in their honor. So, on this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for my family, my friends, but most importantly, I'm thankful that I'm not a Native American.
• Vote for this Quote! • October 3rd, 2007 Narrator: Back at school, I stopped making promises and started making demands.
Chris: I'd like all book reports to be on books that were made into movies.
Ms. Morello: Are you high? I'm asking, not judging.
Chris: No, I'm just trying to fulfill my campaign promises.
Mrs. Milone: Just for curiosity's sake, what else did you promise?
Chris: A TV in the library, more field trips, instituting recess, and no more detention.
Ms. Morello: Chris, how are you going to know how to act when you get stopped by the police if we don't give you detention?
Julius: You're supposed to get a hundred. You don't get a prize for doing well.
Narrator: My father never rewarded good behavior.
Chris: Dad, I cleaned the tub.
Julius: You're supposed to clean the tub. It's your dirt ring.
Tonya: Hey Dad, I fixed the heater.
Julius: You're supposed to fix the heater. You're the one who likes it warm.
Drew: Hey Dad, I slaughtered a pig.
Julius: You're supposed to slaughter a pig. You're the one who likes bacon.
Chris: Just because you watch Soul Train doesn't make you Don Cornelius.
• Vote for this Quote! • October 3rd, 2007 Principal Edwards: Now remember, the only way you're going to get along with Caruso is to understand why he hates you. He needs your help.
Chris: But if I'm helping him, who's gonna help me?
Principal Edwards: You're helping yourself.
Narrator: Spoken like a true white man.
Chris: Would you like to buy some cookies?
Diabetic Black Husband: I'll take four.
Black Wife: What are you doin'? He has diabetes. You tryin' to kill him?!
Narrator: I know I look cool on the outside, but on the inside I was doing this.
Chris: (crying) I WON'T DO IT ANYMORE, I PROMISE! I'M NOT A THIEF!! I WANT MY MOMMA!!
