Christopher Turk Quotes
J.D.: Why don't you just give up that apartment, you said it's so small, plus I think it would be fun if the baby was around here for a few months.
Kim: Okay, I'll give it up.
J.D.: Incidently, that's not the first time she's said that today, if you know what I'm talking about.
Turk: Mmmhmm, I know what you're talking about.
J.D.: I hit it, and I hit it good--
Turk: Yes you did.
J.D.: --Rowdy style, we have to look out for that belly, it's dangerous.
Turk: Before Izzy was born, if I saw a half-eaten meatball sub in the trash you better believe I would dust that bad boy off and go to town on it! But now, I'm not risking my health eating trash-food. I mean, unless it's a corn dog.
Dr. Cox: Thank god you've procreated.
Turk: How you doin'?
J.D.: Not too bad, considering there was just a bomb dropped on me.
Turk: This thing was bigger than a bomb. It's more like an asteroid about to hit the planet. You know, people running in the middle of the streets like, "Oh my God, it's coming right at us!". Then dudes turn to hot chick and are like, "Look, we 'bout to die, so could I hit that?" And the girl's like "Hell to the no!". But then realizes, "Oh my God, I'm about to die. So you know what, yes you can hit this, but no kissing."
J.D.: That's exactly what it's like.
[J.D. is handed his beer with a pineapple wedge.]
J.D.: [to bartender] Thank you. [back to Turk] I'm just so mad I don't know what to say to her. [Old MC leans in] Don't you dare! [Old MC shrugs and walks away] Part of me wants to talk to her, part of me wants to—
Old MC: Bust a move!
J.D.: You have a problem sir! Seek help!
J.D.: You're the only man who's ever been inside of me!
Turk: Whoa, I just took out his appendix!
J.D: My Life is over.
Dr. Cox: Oh come on, you gotta focus on the positives. For instance the medical miracle that is one woman actually impregnating another woman. [smacks hands together] Sha-daisy!
Turk: Coincidentally, I have a cousin named Shadaisy.
Turk: How the hell am I supposed to cry?
Janitor: You need to cry, let's brainstorm. I could hit you over the head with a wrench, or... [turns wrench around to reveal a knife on the other end] I could stab you in the gut with a knife. [sings] Knife-Wrench! Practical and safe. {tries to slip the knife-wrench in his pocket, but stabs his leg.)
J.D.: [to Turk over walkie-talkies] Brown bear, are you nude right now?
Turk: Yeah! How did you know?
J.D.: Your voice is always higher when you're nude.
Turk: Hahaha. That's true!
Dr. Cox: [in the background] It's not weird that you know that.
Carla: What if I said "There's a skinny Turk"?
Turk: [Looks Offended]
Carla's Narration: And now his boyfriend will comfort him...
JD: [Appearing from no where] Don't listen to her Brown Bear, your body is fierce!
Turk: Is it?
JD: Like Taye Diggs!
Turk: [to Carla, smugly] Taye Diggs
Turk: [To J.D.] Let's think about some of the great girls you've let slip through your fingers - Kylie, Jamie, Gift Shop Girl, Mini McSkinny, Mole Butt, Tina Two Kids, Rumplefugly... I'm forgetting someone.
Carla: [thinking] Oh my God, Turk, if you forget Elliot, she's gonna cry. [aloud, motioning furiously to Elliot] Turk, aren't you forgetting the greatest girl of them all?
Turk: [snaps his fingers] Heidi Horse-face!
Elliot: [in tears] Me, Turk, she is talking about me, okay.
J.D.: Relax, Elliot, you're Mole Butt.
Dr. Kelso: Hey, it's Turkleton.
Turk: Sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr. Kelso: And Mrs. Turkleton!! The Turkletons!! (as Carla walks up)