Christopher Turk Quotes (Page 2)
[Turk and Carla shake their heads disapprovingly at Dr. Cox.]
Dr. Cox: Oh don't even start, Tarla or Curk or whatever you're calling this little two-headed judgmental freak show. Why don't I do a little piece for you I like to call, "Your First Year Of Marriage." "I do!" Oh, kiss kiss kiss! [imitating Carla's whine] "Why can't we have a baby!" [imitating Turk's talk] "Why you spendin' so much money on clothes!" "Why you sleepin' with my sister?" "Why can't I hang out with my peeps?" [explosion sound]
Turk: Baby.
Carla: Hmmm?
Turk: I would never sleep with your sister. She's hideous.
Turk's Narration: From the moment I woke up this morning, I have been freaking out about getting married. Luckily, Carla's being cool.
[Carla enters from the bedroom.]
Carla: OK, this is your last chance to uninvite that slut you went out with in high school.
Turk: She's married to my brother.
Carla: Isn't that convenient.
Turk's Narration: Thank God she thinks that hot chick Tina I invited is my cousin. Well guess what, there's no blood there, baby!
Carla: Oh, and by the way, don't think for a second that your "cousin" Tina is gonna be sitting at our table.
Turk's Narration: Oh my God, she's in my head! It's OK--use it to your advantage. Make me a grilled cheese sandwich, woman!
Carla: Make it yourself.
Turk's Narration: [screams]
Turk: You know Elliot, you are eventually going to have to take off your sock.
Elliot: If I do, then from now on when one of you guys look at me all you're going to think of me as giant gross foot. It's like that security guard with the hook for the hand. All everybody thinks when they look at him is, big giant afro.
Carla: I do think that.
[J.D. and Turk are watching kites fly outside]
J.D.: I hate missing practice.
Turk: Me too.
J.D. and Turk: Mighty Kites!
[J.D. and Turk touch fists and form their hands into the shape of flying birds]
Turk: If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom then offered to have sex with me, I'd have to dial 911 in the nude because my pants would already be off.
Carla: That's sweet - while your mother lays there dying!
Turk: [to J.D.] Tell her.
J.D.: His mom doesn't die. Tyra uses her connections in the supermodel world to get government scientists to put Turk's mom's brain into Heidi Klum's body. She falls in love with me, we all move in together.
Turk: It'd be awkward at first but, I'd make it work... because I love my mom.
J.D.: Mmm... and I would love her too!
Carla: New low.
Head of Radiology: These are my machines!
Carla: Sir-
Head of Radiology: MY MACHINES!
Turk: Whose machines?
Head of Radiology: They're mine! Mine! My machines! They're mine! Mine! My machines!
JD: (to Turk) How was that helpful?
J.D.'s Narration: We both knew what we had to do.
J.D.: Let's come clean.
Turk: Let's not tell anyone! Ever! Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever! EVER!
J.D.: Ever?
Turk: Ever!
Turk: Tonight -- I'm gonna make her a nice dinner, then I'm gonna put the ring in her champagne glass.
J.D.: You might as well put it in her cham-lame glass.
Turk: Okay, Mr. Know-It-All, what would you do?
J.D.: Okay, first you gotta get, like, fifty candles, right?
Turk: Mm-hmm?
J.D.: You spread 'em all over the room with some rose petals....
Turk: That's right, because the roses are beautiful, and they make the room smell amazing.
J.D.: Like a meadow in springtime.
Turk: Mmm.
Carla comes in from the bedroom.
Carla: What are you guys talking about?
Turk: Nothing, guy talk!
J.D.: Yeah, - bitches and hoes.
Turk: She called me Mr.
Carla: Maybe it's because you're bald.
Turk: I'm not bald. I shave my head.
Carla: Then let it grow back
Turk: Careful baby.
Turk: Okay, it's true, I have never said "I love you" to a woman before.
Todd: Well, then, how do you get them to sleep with you?