Comic Book Guy Quotes
Comic Book Guy: What in the name of Steve Ditko?!
• Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007 Homer: Welcome to the Internet, my friend. How can I help you?
Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring Ethernet LAN configuration?
Homer (after staring blankly): Can I have some money now?
Bart: Put it all on my credit card, my good man.
Comic Book Guy (examining card): Oh...pardon me, Santos--if that is your real name, Bart Simpson--but your phony credit card is no good here. Now make like my pants and split. (points finger at door)
[Rex Banner grabs Ned Flanders]
Banner: Are you the Beer Baron?
Flanders: Well, if you're talkin' about root beer, I plead guil-diddly-ilty as char-diddly-arged!
Banner: (To Lou and Eddie) Hmm, he's not the Baron. But he sounds drunk. Take him in.
[Banner grabs Comic Book Guy]
Banner: Are you the Baron?
Comic Book Guy: Yes, but only by night. By day, I'm a mild-mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper.
Banner: Don't crack wise with me, Tubby!
Comic Book Guy: "Tubby?" (Looks down at his belly) Oh, yes. Tubby.
[Homer and Bart walk by with a wheelbarrow full of sour mash, yeast and other spirit making ingredients.]
Homer: Hey, Banner! How's it hangin'?
Banner: None of your business!
Comic Book Guy: Last night's "Itchy and Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever! Rest assured I was on the internet within minutes voicing my disgust throughout the world.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 24th, 2007 [After Homer idly glimpses at the Comic Book Guy's script in a copy shop]
Comic Book Guy: Question: is your name Ridley Scott or James Cameron?
Homer: No, it's Homer.
Comic Book Guy: Then I would thank you to stop peering at my screenplay, "Homer". And if I see a movie where computers threaten our personal liberties, I will know you have stolen my idea.
Homer: But I'm just waiting for my kid. [Thinking] Mental note: steal his idea.
Lisa: Two-hundred and fifty dollars? But I need that record to honor Bleeding Gums's memory!
Comic Book Guy: He's dead? Well why didn't you say so?
Comic Book Guy: Let me show you something. (He reaches behind the counter and pulls out a cell with Snagglepuss on it.) This is a Snagglepuss drawn by Hic Heissler. It is worth something. (Indicating Scatchy's arm) This - this is an arm. Drawn by nobody! It is worth nothing!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 18th, 2007 Bart: Wow, Radioactive Man number one.
Comic Book Guy: None other.
Bart: I bet it's worth a million bucks.
Comic Book Guy: It is, my lad, but I will let you have it for a hundred because you remind me of me.
