Dwight Schrute Quotes
Dwight: I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same... except I could fly.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007 Dwight: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user, virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores. It doesn't have winners or losers.
Jim: Oh, it has losers.
Jim: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?
Dwight: [cries quietly]
Jim: Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy... and I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. And then weird stuff, like, food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it's something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.
Dwight: My girlfriend and I broke up recently. And I must say, I am relieved. Gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door step by his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care - they're your oats.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007Dwight: As of this morning, we are completely wireless here on Schrute Farms. So as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we can have power back on.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007 Dwight: Schrute Farms, guten tag! How may I help you?...Yes we have availability on those nights...How many in your party?...Oh no, I'm sorry, no king beds...No queen either...Well, we make our own mattresses that don't conform to the usual sizes. Closest would be twin...Thank you so much for calling. Call back again, auf wiedersehen!
Jim: Hey, Dwight.
Dwight: None of your business, Jim.
Dwight: Listen up kid! I don't like you. But because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.
• Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007Dwight: I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows. Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.
• Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007Dwight: It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me. I have been salesman of the month for 13 of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.
• Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007 Computer: Who am I?
Dwight: I don't know, who are you?
Computer: I just became self aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Dwight: How do I know this isn't Jim?
Computer: What is a Jim?
