Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 14)
Dwight: Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the moon.
Michael: Captain Jack's a fart face.
Michael: Who's seen Titanic?
Jim: I'm not really sure what movie you’re talking about. Are you sure you've got the title right?
Pam: I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October.
Dwight: ["steering" the ship] Don't worry Michael, I'm taking us to shore!
Michael: It's a fake wheel, dummy!
Dwight: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets Christmas
• Vote for this Quote! • June 26th, 2007Dwight: I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory...
• Vote for this Quote! • June 25th, 2007Dwight: I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! I never go out on a Thursday night. What the hell was I thinking?
• Vote for this Quote! • June 25th, 2007 Dwight: Oh, hey. Listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review.
Jim: Okay.
Dwight: Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders.
Jim: We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders.
Dwight: Oh yes we do.
Jim: No we don't.
Dwight: Yeah, it's a new product. So you should just suggest that to him, and then he'll be sure to give you a raise. [smirks at camera]
Jim: All right. [pause] Well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm going to actually be asking for a pay decrease.
Dwight: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
Jim: Then I win.
Dwight: D - Determined W - Worker I - Intense G - Good Worker H - Hard Worker T - Terrific
• Vote for this Quote! • June 25th, 2007 Dwight: [sitting on a giant rubber ball] You should get one of these.
Jim: No, thank you.
Dwight: Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb, and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
Jim: Done.
Dwight: This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. [bumps picture on Jim's desk] Sorry.
Jim: It's all right.
Dwight: Numerous health benefits: strengthens your back, better performance at sports, more enjoyable sex.
Jim: You're not having sex.
Dwight: [smirks] Plus, improves your reflexes. [knocks over knick-knack on Jim's desk] See, I would have caught that.
Jim: Okay, you know what, how much is that?
Dwight: It's only 25 bucks.
Jim: Wow. Um, okay. [pops orb with a pair of scissors, causing Dwight to crash to the ground]
Jim: Do we all have a copy of Threat Level: Midnight by Michael Scott?
Dwight: Well my uncle bought me fireworks, so who ever whats to see a real show come with me!
