Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 16)
Dwight: Question. Where can I put my terrarium?
Michael: What the hell is a terrarium?
Dwight: It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards.
Dwight: I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like...Mozart's friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like...Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you’re gonna get a bullet in the head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm... sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007Dwight: A 30-year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so I couldn’t hear the other dead people.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007Dwight: Thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a 9-bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range. It’s the perfect situation for me. Although the two bathrooms would have been nice. We just have the one... and it's under the porch.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007 Dwight: You said we could come to you if we had any questions. (Pause) Where is the clitoris? On a website it says "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? (Pause) What does the female vagina look like?
Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
Michael: I was on a hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight...
Dwight: Really? We don't have any girls in HR.
Michael: You know for the sake of the story...and things were getting hot and heavy...
Dwight: Yeah!
Michael: And I was about to take her bra off...
Dwight: Yeah!
Michael: And she made me fill out six hours worth of paperwork.
Dwight: Like an AIDS test?
Michael: No. God, Dwight...
Dwight: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 18th, 2007 Dwight: Did you get your tickets?
Jim: To what?
Dwight: The gun show. [kisses bicep
Dwight: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim: OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.