Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 4)
Jim: Look at that.
Dwight: I'm Jim Halpert.
Jim: Spot on.
Dwight: Bleahhh. Little comment. Blah!
Dwight: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever did this watermark got it exactly right.
• Rating 3.3 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007Dwight: Here are your credentials. You’ve been granted Level 3 security clearance. Don’t get too excited…that’s out of 20.
• Rating 3.5 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Jim: [dressed up as Dwight] Question: What kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought...
Jim: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight: Bears do not...what is going on? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! [pause] Well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thank you.
[Jim pulls out a bobblehead from the briefcase and puts it on his desk]
Dwight: Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: Michael!
Dwight: Oh, that's funny. Michael!
Dwight: When you land, try and land like an eight-year-old. These bouncy castles aren't made for adults.
• Rating 4.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.
Dwight: Okay, tell him that that's not true.
Jim: Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.
Dwight: Okay, no, Jim, tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. [Andy walks away] Jim! Tell him!
Jim: Andy...nah, he's too far.
Dwight: Damn you.
Dwight: I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
• Rating 4.8 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Andy: I graduated from anger management the same way I graduated from Cornell -- on time. Now I'm back, got a second chance, and I'm not going to blow it. So, look out Dunder-Mifflin! I mean "look out" in a fun way, you know, not like I'm gonna hurt you. [cut to shot of him entering the office] Hey, guys. Guess who's back? [Dwight attacks him with pepper spray] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Dwight: No need to thank me. [cut to him in an interview] I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office. [shot of Toby confiscating all of Dwight's weapons] You know who is a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That's a hero. Also, Bono.
Dwight: No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes, and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.
• Rating 4.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Roy: Halpert!
[Roy charges at Jim, but Dwight sprays him with pepper spray. Everyone in the office is blinded]
Dwight: Pam, please call security! [talking to camera in tears] Every day, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And every day, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?