Elaine Benes Quotes (Page 4)
Jerry: [about Toby] She got the promotion?
Elaine: Yep.
Jerry: Why?
Elaine: I'll tell ya why. Because of her pinky toe, that's why. Because Lippman felt so sorry for her, he didn't want to hurt her feelings.
Jerry: Too bad.
Elaine: Sure, the pinky toe is cute! But, I mean, what is it? It's useless! It does nothing. It's got that little nail that is just impossible to cut. What do we need it for?
Jerry: Because Elaine, that's the one that goes 'wee-wee-wee all the home.'
Elaine: Why don't you just shut the f-
George: "A guy leaves a puddle of sweat, that's a signal?"
Elaine: "Yeah, it's a social thing."
George: "What if he left you a used Kleenex? What's that, a valentine?"
Kramer: "Hey Elaine, what do you say, if neither of us is married in 10 years, we get hitched?"
Elaine: "Make it 50."
Kramer: "We're engaged!"
Jerry: But see, look at the collar, see it's fraying. Golden Boy is slowly dying. Each wash is brings him one step closer, that's what makes the T-shirt such a tragic figure.
Elaine: Why don't you just let Golden Boy soak in the sink with some Woolight?
Jerry: No! The reason he's iron man is because he goes out there and plays every game. Wash! Spin! Rinse! Spin! You take that away from him, you break his spirit!
Jerry: Elaine, see this T-shirt? Six years I've had this T-shirt. It's my best one, I call him... Golden Boy.
Elaine: I'm on the phone here.
Jerry: Golden Boy is always the first shirt I wear out of the laundry. Here, touch Golden Boy!
Jerry: Uh... I don't feel so good.
Elaine: What's wrong?
Jerry: My stomach, I... I think it was that cookie.
Elaine: The black and white?
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: Not getting along?
Elaine: Can you spare a square?
Woman in stall: No I can't.
Elaine: You can't spare one square?
George: I'm at the health club and while I'm in the pool, some guy walks off with my glasses. Who steals prescription glasses?
Elaine: You don't have an old pair?
George: I broke 'em playing basketball.
Jerry: He was running from a bee.
Elaine: Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.
Jerry: Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to, we have to.
Jerry: I guess after that many beers he's probably a little groggy anyway.
Elaine: You didn't know.
Jerry: What about the breathing, the panting... the moaning, the screaming?
Elaine: Fake, fake... fake, fake!
