Elaine Benes Quotes (Page 6)
Elaine: What're you looking at?
Jerry: There's a naked woman across the street.
Elaine: [chuckling] This is gonna be the easiest money I've ever made in my life. So, my friend, Joyce, is teaching an aerobics class. I'm gonna go tonight.
Jerry: Yeah.. the - the waitress should've taken it back.
Elaine: So then, I got a call this morning. You know, I was, uh, chosen to go on the space shuttle. We're goin' to Mars.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
George: Have a good time.
Elaine: I want to be in on this, too.
Jerry & George: Oh, no. No, no.
Elaine: Why not?
Jerry: It's like apples and oranges.
Elaine: What? Why? Why?
Jerry: Because you're a woman!
Elaine: So what?
Jerry: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man. Men have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh, shaving.
Elaine: Oh, that is such boloney. I shave my legs.
Kramer: Not every day.
Jerry & Elaine: C'mon..
George: You don't think I can?
Jerry: No chance.
George: You think you could?
Jerry: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you.
George: Care to make it interesting?
George: Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing that again.
Elaine: What, you mean, in your mother's house, or all together?
George: Altogether.
Elaine: Oh, gimme a break..
Jerry: Ohhh yeah. Right.
Kramer: Oh, like you're gonna stop.
George: So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital.
Elaine: How is she?
George: She's in traction.
Elaine: Okay, I'm sorry.
George: It's not funny, Elaine.
Elaine: I know. I'm sorry. I'm serious.
George: Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, George, why?!" I said, "Because it's there!"
Elaine: You mean..?!
George: Uh-huh.
Kramer: She caught you?
Jerry: Where?
George: I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes. Nobody was there. They're supposed to be working. My mother had a Glamour magazine; I started leafing through it ...
Jerry: Glamour?
Elaine: I was talking to this guy, you know, and I just happened to throw my purse on the sofa and my diaphragm goes flying out. So I just froze, you know, "ahh!", staring at my diaphragm. You know, it's just lying there. So then, this woman, the one who sold me this hair thing, she grabbed it before the guy noticed, so, I mean, big deal, right? So I carry around my diaphragm, who doesn't? Yeah, like it's a big, big secret that women carry around their diaphragms. You never know when you're gonna need it, right?
• Vote for this Quote! • June 27th, 2007Elaine: Maybe I'll go visit my mother. She just bought me some new panties and they're all "laid out for me."
• Vote for this Quote! • June 27th, 2007 Elaine: Who has the remote?
Mel: He does.
Elaine: The remote goes through the bubble?
Mel: Yeah, he's in the bubble with the remote.
Jerry: So you have no control over the remote?
Mel: No, it's frustrating.
Kramer: Alright, how often do we do it?
Elaine: Kramer, how is that important? Honestly, do you really think he's gonna ask you that?
Kramer: Elaine, he's a psychiatrist. They're interested in stuff like that.
Elaine: Alright, alright. We do it, uh... five times a week, okay?
Kramer: Oooh, baby.
