Eric Cartman Quotes (Page 16)
Kyle: Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.
Stan: Good call.
Cartman: Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Mm-yummy. [
Cartman: [begins to wolf down the food] Gawh, this is really good, Scott!
Scott: I'm glad you like it so much, because now that you're almost finished, I have something to tell you.
Cartman: (through a mouthful of chilli) What? You mean about how you put pubes in your chili? [Everyone at Scott's end of the table is shocked, even Scott, at this accusation.]
Scott: What?!
Cartman: Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, Scott. I switched it with Chef's. [Chef looks like he's been used.] It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that. What I did plan on, however, was that my friends, Stan and Kyle, would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap. [Stan and Kyle are stunned.] I assumed that they would tell you that I had trained Denkins' pony to bite off your weiner. What they didn't tell you was that Denkins is a crazy redneck who shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing that you would try and do something to the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that violent pony killers were in the area. [A shot of Cartman telling Denkins of such a thing. Denkins is armed.] I also know that you wouldn't go yourself, for fear of having your weiner bitten off. You would most likely send your parents. [A shot of Scott talking with his parents.] And, I'm afraid that when Mr. Denkins spotted them on his property, he shot and killed both your parents. [
Stan: Kyle, I'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
Butters: I'm not Kyle, I'm Butters. I thought you were Kyle.
Stan No, I'm Stan.
Kyle: You're Stan? Where's Kenny?
Stan: Who are you?
Kyle: I'm Kyle.
Cartman: Hehe, guess who I am, guys?
Cartman: (to Stan and Kyle) Aaah, that's so sweet, you guys! Hey you wanna get a room so you can make out (kiss) for a while!? (laughs. Kyle kicks him in the balls) Ow! (Stan kicks him) Aargh (both boys kick him in the balls in turn) Stop it! Aaargh!
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007 Randy Marsh: Kenny's dad and I were in scouts for years.
Stan: Was your dad in scouts, Cartman? Oh yeah, you don't have a dad. [everyone laughs]
Cartman: That's not funny! Jesus Christ!
Randy Marsh: You do not say "big silly goose", you call him an asshole like a normal kid!
Stan: All right! Fine! (to Cartman) Asshole.
Randy: That's better.
Cartman: Don't call me an asshole you big son of a bitch!
Cartman: [over PA] Attention shoppers, outside today we have Cripple Fight. Cripple Fight, outside.
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007Cartman: CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007 Cartman: Don't worry, Kyle's just got a little sand in his vagina.
Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!!
Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007