Eric Cartman Quotes (Page 18)
Cartman: Hmm. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Hmm, let's see…
• Vote for this Quote! • September 1st, 2007Cartman: Here's a little dreidel that's small and made of clay. But I'm not gonna play with it 'cause dreidel's friggin' gay.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • September 1st, 2007Cartman: We could shove a stick up her ass and use her like a puppet: "Rowr, rowr, I'm scary Grandma!"
• Vote for this Quote! • September 1st, 2007 Stan: [walks up with Kyle and Kenny] Come on, fatass, we have to go!
Cartman: Ey! Don't call me fat! [Mrs.Cartman giggles] Mom, don't laugh.
Mrs.Cartman: I'm sorry, hon.
Cartman: [to his friends] I can't go with you guys right now.
Stan: Yes you can, porky. [Mrs.Cartman giggles again]
Cartman: Mom, seriously! [her giggles die down]
Mrs.Cartman: Oh, that's not funny, boys. Eric isn't fat, his big-boned.
Kyle: He must have a huge bone in his ass, then. [Cartman's mom bursts out laughing]
Cartman: GODDAMNIT MOM!
Cartman: Hey you guys! You know what time of year it is?
Kyle: Of course, dumbass, it's Halloween.
Cartman: That's right, and that means only two more months till Christmas! (singing) You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry...
Stan: Christmas?
Cartman: ...Christmastime is presents for me.
Skyler: Okay, check check, check, 1, 2, check. Okay, ready? All right, let's try the new song. This is a song I wrote for you, Shelley…When I saw her walking down the street, I thought she was Shelley, Shelley.
Cartman: Aw, man, you guys suck.
Skyler: Now that we're together I'm absolutely sure that she's Shelley, Shelley.
Cartman: You're the crappiest band I have ever heard!
Skyler: Move into my mom's house with me, Shelley Shelley
Cartman: They mostly come out at night...mostly.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • September 1st, 2007 Department of Interior Guy: Young man, we're making you an honorary Department of Interior person. You are officially in charge of South Park's fish and wildlife. You have authority over all of them.
Cartman: [disbelieving pause] I have authoriteh?
Cartman: I guess you don't want to hear what he said about your mom!?
Craig: Nope! (slams the door shut)
Cartman: (surprised) goddammit. (knocks on door again. Craig answers again) Oh, I guess you don't want to hear what he had to say about your guinea pig!?
Craig: Said what?! What did he say about Stripe!?
Cartman: Nothing much, just that you stick it up your ass before you go to bed every night.
Craig: That son of a bitch, I'll kill him!
Chef: I got something to tell you.
Cartman What?
Chef: you're not gonna like it...
Cartman: What?
Chef: It's really gonna piss you off...
Cartman: What?
Chef: Okay. This is a dream. You still on that cross!
Cartman [Wakes up]: Goddamnit!!!