Eric Cartman Quotes (Page 20)
Cartman: Independent films are those black and white hippie movies, they're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 30th, 2007 Cartman: I love you guys.
[Stan and Kyle stare at Cartman during a long pause.]
Cartman: Ah, screw you guys.
Cartman: My mom says there's a lot of black people in China.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 30th, 2007 Kyle: You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about. And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You're my family. Except for Cartman.
Stan: Naturally.
Cartman: Screw you guys! I don't wanna be in your penis-chopping family anyway!
Cartman: Dude, that is not cool! Chopping off wee-wees is not cool!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 30th, 2007 Cartman: For my book report, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was very very good. Have you read it, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: No, I can't say that I have.
Cartman: Oh, good. In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, a bunch of uh, hippies, walk around and paint stuff. They eat lunch, and then they find a magical... camel, which they have to eat to stay alive. And that's pretty much it. I give it a 'B-.'
Cartman: AY! I am a cop, and you will respect my authoritah!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 30th, 2007 Cartman: I was just hangin' out in the SPC, kickin' it with some homies on the west sy-eed.
Kyle: Cartman, you live on the east side!
Cartman: Mom, can I ask you a question?
Ms. Cartman: Sure, hon.
Cartman: You know how my friend Stan has, like, a dad?
Ms. Cartman: Uh-huh.
Cartman: And my friend Kyle has a dad, and my friend Kenny has a dad?
Ms. Cartman: Yes?
[long pause]
Ms. Cartman: Well, what's your question, hon?
Cartman: Goddamn it, do I have a dad?!
Ms. Cartman: Oh!
Cartman: I wanna know where I came from.
Ms. Cartman: Oh. Hmm. Well, you see, Eric, sometimes when a man and a women are attracted to each other, they want to be close to each other.
Cartman: Uh-huh....
Ms. Cartman: And sometimes the man puts his hoo-hoo dilly into a woman's cha-cha.
[long pause]
Cartman: So who put his hoo-hoo dilly into your cha-cha?
Kyle: Well, that whole experience sure did suck.
Stan: Yeah, I'm sure glad that's over with.
Kyle: But you know, I've learned something today. I've learned that people who want power, a lot of power, always end up dead.
Cartman: Yeah, and I've learned something, too. Robert Smith kicks ass.