Eric Forman Quotes (Page 7)
Eric: Alright, how do you get the beer out?
Hyde: Through the tap.
Eric: What tap?
[everyone notices there isn't a tap on the keg]
Hyde: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ricky: Hey, how's that mopping coming along?
Eric: Well, I'm just happy to be a part of the Fatso Burger family. [Ricky walks away] You dumb ass.
Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Kelso: A fashion model. No, a rock star!
Hyde: Prison.
Ricky: Tell me, what do you consider your best quality?
Eric: Well, I'm a real people person.
Hyde: I don't answer stupid questions.
Fez: I speak Dutch.
Kelso: My eyes. Oh, and I guess my butt too.
Hyde: [after Jackie calls Eric stupid] Well, this is a first. I actually agree with Jackie.
Eric: What? You're saying that I'm stupid?
Hyde: Donna just put on the full court press, man, and you dropped the ball.
Eric: What are you talking about? All she said was she'd be alone on Saturday night with a pizza... Oh God, I'm so stupid.
Kelso: Donna beat you in basketball?
Fez: Is this true, Eric?
Eric: Yeah. Is that a big deal?
Hyde: Of course not. Unless Donna happens to be... you know... a girl.
Kelso: Especially a girl you looooooove!
Fez: You know, in my country, if a woman beats you in something, that means she wants you.
Eric: Really?
Fez: Yes. But this is America. Wuss.
Kelso: Wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss...
Hyde: Kelso! Would you stop that?... Wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss!
Eric: Wait, wait, wait. What about Kelso? I mean Jackie has him totally whipped.
Fez: Whipped like the family pig.
Kelso: I am not pig-whipped. Where are you guys getting this stuff?
Hyde: Are you kidding? (imitating Jackie) Michael, call me at eight!
Eric: Michael, do your Chico impression!
Fez: Michael, rub oil on my thighs while I spank you! (Kelso, Hyde and Eric give him blank looks) Please, someone else talk now...
Eric: I'll leave the light on, I wouldn't want you to gloat in the dark.
Donna: Hey Eric, don't you want your balls back?
Eric: Okay, that's a little uncalled for... (seeing Donna was referencing the basketballs) Oh, uh, yeah, thanks.
Eric: Hey Kelso, quick question. Why can't you date someone a little less annoying?
Kelso: Like who?
Eric: Like Barbara Vansen.
Kelso: Eh, she's just as annoying.
Hyde: Yeah, but her boobs are huge!
Kelso: So?
Hyde: (showing his Playboy magazine to Eric & Kelso) Do you find that annoying?
Kelso: Pam Macy! Now she's got some knockers, baby!
Hyde: True, but they're not bigger than Barbara's.
Kelso: Yeah, they are.
Eric: You're dreaming. It's like comparing (Red walks in) Exodus and Deuteronomy, both of which have taught us very valuable lessons! Oh, hi Dad!
Red: Damn dryer's broken! Aw, I need my vicegrips... (exits)
Kelso: Have you seen Pam in a tube top? It's like you're lookin' at the Grand Tetons! In a tube top!
Hyde: Alright, look. The issue isn't if Pam's big. It's, "are they bigger than Barbara's?" Because Barbara's are bigger than... (Kitty comes in from upstairs) The Walls of Jericho, which as we all know came tumbling down, right?! (covering his Playboy) Hello, Mrs. Forman.
Kitty: Hi. Eric, did your father come down here?
Eric: Yeah, he was fixing the dryer.
Kitty: Oh, dear. You know, ever since the plant cut back his hours, he's been spending all his time fixing things! Things that don't need fixing! Things I need, things I use, things I love! I gotta go hide the crockpot! (runs back upstairs)
Hyde: Sounds like your dad is losing it.
Kelso: Jeez. He's like this now, he's gonna be a total headcase if they shut down the plant. He's just gonna be this pathetic guy (Red enters) WITH BREASTS THE SIZE OF WATERMELONS! (realizing his mistake) is what Moses said to the Egyptians!
Red: Kelso, go home.
Jackie: I'm waiting.
Hyde: Just say it and she'll go home.
Eric: Fine. (pause) You know, you're right, Jackie, the Fonz could beat up Bruce Lee. (winces)
Jackie: Thank you!
Donna: How could they not catch you?
Eric: I guess no one wants to tackle a naked guy.
Donna: So true.
Eric: Hey you didn't, you didn't see anything, did you?
Donna: No, well, maybe just a bit. But not, not the bit.
Eric: Wait, what do you mean bit?