George Costanza Quotes (Page 3)
George: [answering machine recording, sung to the tune of Greatest American Hero]
Believe it or not,
George isn't at home.
Please leave a message... at the beep!
I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone,
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not home!
Reilly: The ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.
George: Oh yeah, Reilly? Well, the jerk store called. They're running outta you!
Reilly: What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller!
George: [pauses, flustered] Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife.
McAdam: His wife is in a coma.
Elaine: How 'bout this one? How 'bout, 'Your cranium called. It's got some space to rent.'?
George: What does that mean?
Jerry: Hey, here you go: Hey, Reilly. The zoo called. You're due back by six!
George: No. No, no, no. You're not helping me.
Kramer: Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife. That'll kill him.
George: Listen to the comeback: 'Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called. They're runnin' outta you!'
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 3rd, 2007 Kramer: Little Jerry's going to get his clock cleaned. I gotta get him outta there. [lunges for Little Jerry] ... Little Jerry!
Jerry: Kramer!
Elaine: Stop the fight!
George: Tamale!
George: Where's the tamale guy?
• Rating 3.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 3rd, 2007 George: Listen... there's something that's been on my mind and we haven't really talked about it. It's kind of important to me.
Susan: What is it?
George: Well... I put a lot of thought into this and I think I would like you to sign a prenuptial agreement.
Susan: A pre-nup?
George: Yeah.
Susan: [bursts out laughing]
George: What's so funny?
Susan: You don't have any money. I make more money than you do. Ha ha. Yeah, gimme the papers I'll sign 'em.
Susan: Since when do you smoke?
George: [coughs] I've always smoked.
Susan: I've never seen you smoke.
George: Oh yeah. Well, big smoker. [coughs] Gave it up for a while but it was too tough. Y'know, I got no will power.
Susan: I don't like this one bit.
George: [coughs] Well I can't stop now. I'm addicted...
Susan: Well you are gonna have to quit.
George: [runs to the bathroom] Oh god!
George: Susan has this doll collection and one of the dolls looks exactly like my mother. She likes to sleep with it.
Jerry: Wow. You were in bed with your mother last night?
George: Felt like it. I tell you, this doll is pretty spooky. It's freakin' me out, man.
Frank: What is this thing anyway?
Mrs. Ross: It's Cornish game hen.
Frank: What is that? Like a little chicken?
George: It's, uh, it's not a little chicken. "Little chicken." It's a game bird.
Frank: Game bird?
George: Yeah.
Frank: What do you mean? Like, you hunt it?
Mr. Ross: Yes.
Frank: How hard could it be to kill this thing?