George Costanza Quotes (Page 8)
George: You mean she just laid there topless?
Kramer: No, no, she got up, she walked around...
George: Walked around? And you looked?
Kramer: Of course. She's got a great body, buddy!
George: You saw Jane topless?
Jerry: Well, when you went for the tomatoes she lied out topless.
George: Oh you mean face down on her chest.
Jerry: No.
George: Face up on her back?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: Well why'd she do that?
Kramer: I guess she was hot.
Kramer: Hey, hey, hey! Look at what I got!
George: Hey! Wow, the K-Man!
Jerry: You got lobster for everybody?
Kramer: Yeah, and they're fresh! Right out of the ocean.
George: This is fantastic. Man, what a weekend. Swimming, lobster for dinner...
Kramer: I know, it's great. And I saw Jane topless.
George: I love Hampton tomatoes. You know, you can eat 'em like apples. You know it's funny, the tomato never really took on as a hand fruit.
Jerry: Well, the tomato's an anomaly. So successful with the ketchup and the sauce, but you can't find a good one.
George: I never tasted a cough medicine I didn't love.
Jane: Me too. I love cough medicine.
George: You see? We were made for each other. [Thinking to himself] It's amazing. If I reach out and touch her breast right now, she'd scream and throw me out of the car. But at this time tomorrow, I could touch it all I want.
George: Well, what about the toe? What happened to the toe?
Kramer: Well! I am happy to say that the little guy is back in place at the end of the line.
George: You did all this... for a pinky toe?
Kramer: Well, it's a valuable appendage.
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, then all of a sudden, this guy pulls out a gun. Well, I knew any delay is gonna cost her her pinky toe, so I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him. He says, "Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?" I said, "Well, I got a little prize for ya, buddy" - I knocked him out cold!
George: How could you do that?!
Kramer: Then everybody is screamin,' because the driver, he's passed out from all the commotion...the bus is out of control! So, I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel and now I'm drivin' the bus.
George: You're Batman.
Kramer: Yeah. Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to, and he starts chokin' me! So I'm fightin' him off with one hand and I kept drivin' the bus with the other, y'know? Then I managed to open up the door, and I kicked him out the door with my foot, you know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept makin' all the stops?
Kramer: Well, people kept ringin' the bell!
Kramer: Well, after he heckled Toby, she got so upset, she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky toe.
George: That's unbelievable!
Kramer: Yeah! Then after the ambulance left, I found the toe! So I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice, and took off for the hospital.
George: You ran?
Kramer: No, I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, "I got a toe here, buddy - step on it."
George: Holy cow!
Jerry: So you feel "women and children first," in this day and age, is somewhat of an antiquated notion.
George: To some degree.
Jerry: So basically, it's every man, woman, child, and invalid for themselves.
George: In a manner of speaking.
Jerry: Well, it's honest.
George: Yeah. She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals.
Jerry: Well, perhaps when she's released from the burn center, she'll see things differently.
George: Perhaps.
Robin: But I saw you push the women and children out of the way in a mad panic! I saw you knock them down! And when you ran out, you left everyone behind!
George: Seemingly. Seemingly, to the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression. What looked like pushing...what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right? And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions?
Fireman: How do you live with yourself?
George: It's not easy.
