G.O.B. Bluth Quotes (Page 9)
Michael: Not everything is strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?
Gob: It's not real blood. It's, um, corn syrup and red dye. Juice.
Buster: We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook!
Gob: Lie to her. Tell her that I'm insensitive and unreliable.
Michael: Maybe something about how you can never confront people and you need someone else to clean up your messes.
Gob: See, that's great ... and that's just off the top of your head.
Michael: Let me tell you something. You may not be a father, but you are my brother.
Gob: I might be a father.
Gob: [to George Michael] Maybe we'll meet a couple of coeds along the way. How young is too young for you?
Michael: Okay, that's not going to happen. Okay? There's not gonna be any coeds. There certainly isn't going to be any magic. It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you, and you don't even realize it.
Gob: Um, Michael, I'm a magici... - Oh, I see what you did.
Gob: And now you love the ten commandments. And yet you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord."
Michael: I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob.
Gob: Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society.
Barry Zuckerkorn: The solution to all our problems is staring you right in the face, and it can't even see you.
Michael: I actually had a pretty interesting night myself.
Gob: Really? What'd you do, read the plea?
Michael: No. Actually, I went home with someone.
Gob: What's wrong with her?
Michael: There's nothing wrong with her... She is blind.
Michael: Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman.
Gob: Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.
Narrator: But he really didn't.
Gob: Yes, I did.
Gob: You should'a stayed with me last night. You could've seen me get some major action. From a major blonde. Who just majored in marine biology, if you know what I mean.
Michael: I don't know what you mean. I can't imagine what that means.
Michael: [re: Maggie] I certainly can't take advantage of her now, knowing what I know.
Gob: What? No, Michael, you can! Don't you ... You just won the gold medal at the sexual Special Olympics. She can't ever find you again. Don't you see that you're so lucky? God, how do you not ... ?