Homer Simpson Quotes
Homer: I'm sorry Marge, but I refuse to live under the same roof with a member of the LIBERAL media!
Marge: [to Kent] You'll have to excuse him, he watches too much FOX News.
Homer: Did you know that every day, Mexican gays sneak into the country and unplug brain-dead ladies?
Marge: Oh hi kids, you're just in time to go to the dentist!
Bart: DENTIST?! You said we were going to ride dirt bikes around the cemetery!
Lisa: Oh, Bart, you fall for that every six months.
Homer: [Pulls up on a dirt bike] Hey, suckers, check it out -- Marge is taking me to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery!
Lisa: You're going to the dentist too, Dad.
Homer: [solemnly] Why the cemetery, I wondered? But my dreams were too strong...
Homer: Ohh a thermos, with 7 cups of coffee still inside! [countdown timer goes down to 6] No wait, 6 cups.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Homer: Apu, I'm returning a yogurt I wasn't completely satisfied with.
Apu: [opens the bag which lets out a stench, he immediatly closes the bag] OH MY GOD! If a dead fish and a homeless person had a baby, and the baby puked, and the dog ate the puke, this smells like the rear end of that dog! I'll give you any yogurt in the store just take that thing with you when you go!
Marge: [lost in the corn maze] Maybe we should split up.
Homer: Split up? Marge, no, we can fix this marriage!
Marge: No, no, I didn't mean--
Homer: Fine, you want out? Then go, I can make it on my own! Before I met you, I had friends and dreams!
Marge: I was talking about--
Homer: Oh, please take me back! [sobbing] The dating scene is a nightmare! I'm begging you!
Marge: I just meant we should split up to get out of this corn maze.
Homer: Deep down, I-- I guess I knew that.
Marge: Now, there must be a way out.
Homer: Of our marriage? I don't want to live! [runs away screaming; offscreen] Hey, this maze is made of corn.
Homer: How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?!
• Rating 4.9 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Marge: You should've seen the faces of your children when they caught you stealing! Kids, get in here and show your father the faces!
[Bart, Lisa and Maggie enter the kitchen with their sad faces]
Homer: [sobbing] Make them stop!
Marge: You make them stop by doing the right thing!
Homer: Okay, here's the solution. I want you kids to lock the bedroom from the outside so I can't get out and perpetrate my nocturnal mischief.
Bart: Why don't you just stop taking the pills you hothead?
Homer: Because I'm filled with stress! [smacks him on the back of the head and moans] I've got three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?!
Homer: What are you, a travel agent? 'Cause you're sending me on a guilt trip.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Ghost Homer: You want to have ghost sex?
Ghost Marge: I keep telling you, ghost sex is nothing! It's worse than nothing!
Ghost Homer: Then why were you moaning last time?
Ghost Marge: Because I'm a GHOST! Whooooo!
Ghost Homer: AAAAHH! A ghost! [flies away from Marge]