Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 2)
Moe: Well, I'm just the bartender here, but it seems to me, you could win Lisa back by appealing to her sense of reason, and you can win your mom back by appealing to her feelings.
Bart: Gee, Moe, you give great advice!
Homer: Yeah, what have you done with the real Moe?
Bart: Jumping Johnnycakes! Those dames are cheesed.
Homer: Son, I'll never understand women if I live to be 40.
Bart: Big if.
Homer: You said it. Enjoy me while I last!
(both laughs)
Bart: Want to go slam a few beers?
Homer: Want to watch me?
Bart: You know it.
Lisa (angrily): You can't give me a yellow card! You're my father!
Homer: When I put on these shorts, I'm not your father anymore, and judging by how tight they are, I'm never going to be anyone else's either.
Homer: So...I thought it went real well. Until I swallowed the whistle.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Homer (eagerly): Would you like me to take you to your game?
Lisa: You already promised you would.
Homer (whines): Aww, do I have to?
Homer: Wait, that's soccer? I always called it "human foosball."
• Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007Homer (seeing Lisa putting on her shin guards): Hey Lisa, self-conscious about your shins? In my day, girls were worried about their boobs.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Homer: What's wrong?
Marge: I can't fill out that clipboard. I don't have e-mail. (crowd gasps)
Homer: Oh Marge, you got to get on the Net. It's got all the best conspiracy theories! Did you know that Hezbollah owns Little Dolly Snack Cakes? This stuff will rock your world!
Marge (skeptically): Fine, I'll log onto Wahoo or Yippy or A-O-K or Pooka-dooka or whatever it's called!
Homer (after walking back in the house with Marge and observing Selma and Abe kissing): A bear is eating my father!
Selma: I'm Selma.
Homer: A talking bear is eating my father!
Homer: Son, one day you're going to be a great father.
Bart: Aww, and someday you'll be one too.
Homer: Thanks boy, heh heh heh heh heh!