Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 5)
[Homer and Marge are in bed.]
Homer: So... do you wanna... "wang chung" tonight?
Marge: I don't know. I'm still frowny with you. Do you really think women are mentally inferior?
Homer [shifting his eyes nervously]: Well, uh, uh, honey, you're just as smart as a man. Sometimes when I'm with you, I feel like I'm doing it with a dude.
[Marge groans, then scene cuts to Homer sleeping on the couch]
Homer: Oh. Well, I won't be lonely. I can always cuddle with the dog. [cuddles Santa's Little Helper] Mmm. At least everyone knows I'm smarter than you!
[scene cuts to Homer sleeping in the doghouse]
Homer: Oh, how did this happen?
Homer: I'm so bored that I have figured out where the wallpaper pattern repeats. See it goes ships wheel, Popeye tattoo, Gilligan hat, fish with boobs and back to ships wheel.
Lisa: What about this swordfish?
Homer: Oh my life's work ruined!
Homer: This isn't India! Where's the University of Notre Dame and the Indy 500 and Wrigley Field and Dodger Dogs?!
Indian Woman: You ignorant American! You have confused India with Indiana, Indiana with Illinois, and the Cubs with the Dodgers!
Homer: I took a job on the other side of the world?! (groans as the camera pulls to a satellite's view of India) I hate this subcontinent!
Homer (answers phone): Y'ello. (gasps) You want my opinion on current movies?! Well, first of all, they're all perfect. Also, when's the Cap'n Crunch movie coming out? And will it be "R" or "Hard R"?
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007 Lisa: It's so strange that the commissioner [of football] didn't show up.
Homer: Maybe he's thinking of a new shape for the football.
Marge: Homie, you've been down here for a week. I really think you need...(gasps)...what the Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise?!
Homer: Marge, meet pro football's newest team--the Springfield Meltdowns! Plus I designed a state-of-the-art stadium. We'll fund it with corporate naming rights. It's the Duff Beer Krustyburger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kiwk-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park! So...Homer do good?
Marge (embraces Homer): Homer do great! (kisses) Eh, maybe Homer brush teeth first?
Homer (rolls eyes and groans): Ohh......
announcer: Next on Fox, Carmen Electra stars in Boobs, about a class of remedial reading students and their teacher who wants to be taken seriously.
Homer (disappointed): Awww, I thought it was about her boobs.
Homer: All right, pal. I've made a diagram of all the places on Marge you're not allowed to touch. (shows diagram) Especially the hair!
Charles: Oh, not to worry. I'm a bit of an elbow man myself. Bit different...bit weird...not sexual.
Homer: You take forever to say nothing.
Homer: (after falling down the hole in the cave) I'm stuck, and I have to pee! (A few seconds later) Now I'm just stuck.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007Homer: Our god made their god.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007