Homer Simpson Quotes (Page 6)
Marge: Whatever happened to please and thank you?
Homer: I think they killed each other. You know, one of those murder-suicide deals.
Homer: Wait, Lord? I have one more favor to ask.
God: You want me to help you with your alcoholism.
Homer: No I'm in a good place with that.
God: Why don't you just take these pamphlets. [hands him a few pamphlets]
Homer: [stuffs them in his pocket] Yeah, I'll definitely read those later on.
God: [sigh] What do you want, Homer?
Homer: Just send me back to Earth and put off this whole rapture hoopdey-doof for another couple of years or so.
God: But it's already started. To do what you're asking, I would have to turn back time.
Homer: Superman did it!
God: Fine, Mr. Smarty-Pants. I will undo the Apocalypse.
Homer: Lord, you got a first-class destination resort here, really top notch, but I can't enjoy myself knowing my family is suffering.
God: Oh don't you talk about family suffering with me! My son went to Earth once. I don't know what you people did to him, but he hasn't been the same ever since. [shows Jesus sitting on a swing looking down and spinning really slow]
Homer: He'll be fine.
Homer: Left below, where have I heard that before.
Lisa: Dad, it's the title of the movie.
Homer: It's everywhere.
Homer: It's every parent's worst nightmare: They've stolen a car and
• Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007Kent Brockman (on Smartline): Homer, have we started down a slippery slope to which marriage becomes so meaningless that anyone can marry any-thing?
Homer: Oh, Kent, not anything. It has to exist...or does it?
Rev. Lovejoy: Call me old fashioned, but I believe marriage is described in the Bible!
Homer: If you love the Bible so much, why don't you marry it? In fact, I now pronounce you and the Bible man and wife. And you're the wife! Ah ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You owe me two hundred bucks.
Lovejoy: Homer, your impulsive marriages are going to lead to a lot of divorces.
Homer: Which will lead to a lot more impulsive marriages, putting more green in the blue, the blue being my pants!
Homer: And do you Julio take Thad to be your lawfully wedded life partner, in Massachusetts and Vermont, maybe Canada, stay out of Texas, for as long as you both are gay?
Julio: (lovingly) I do.
Homer: Who's next? Adam and Steve? Or Madame and Eve?
Marge: Homer, you married every gay couple in town.
Homer: Hey, what can I say? I love love.
Bart: I guess now you have to wait for some other guys to turn.
Homer: Hmmmm. Where's Lenny and Carl?
Marge: Homer, don't you push them! They have to work it out for themselves.
Bart: Is this one of those reality deals where a guy gets a million bucks for marrying Aunt Patty but they have to honeymoon in a box full of snakes?
Homer: Son, that's the stupidest idea I ever heard... and I know exactly who would pay top dollar for it!
(picks up phone and dials)
Phone: You've reached FOX. If you're pitching a show where gold-digging skanks get what's coming to them, press 1. If you're pitching a rip-off of another network's reality show, press 2. Please stay on the line - your half-baked ideas are all we've got.