Jeff Greene Quotes
Jeff: Hey.
Larry (with cane): Came for my sneaker.
Jeff: What happened to you?
Larry: I fell in the toilet.
Jeff: How did you fall in the toilet?
Larry: I went to go pee and the seat was up.
Jeff: What does that have to do with you?
Larry: I pee sitting down.
Jeff: You pee sitting down?
Larry: Yeah, have you ever tried it?
Jeff: No!
Larry: It's more comfortable, when you get up during the night you don't have to turn the light on and wake up, and you get to read.
Jeff: What are you reading?
Larry: I'm reading a lot of stuff.
Jeff: What stuff?
Larry: If I pee twenty times a day, I can get through a whole New York Times for God sake!
Jeff: Twenty times?
Larry: Hey buddy, when your peeing all over your shoe, I'm learning something.
Jeff: What makes you think I'm peeing all over my shoe while your learning something?
Jeff Greene: So, I've given up red meat.
Larry David: Really?
Jeff: Yup, no more red meat for me.
Larry: Good for you. How come you're doing that?
Jeff: No reason.
Larry: What do you mean "no reason"? You've gotta have a reason.
Jeff: No, no reason. What do you care?
Larry: Hey, schmuck-face, you can't just say you're giving up red meat, there has to be some motivation behind it.
Jeff: No reason.
Larry: Jesus Christ! My penis is itching!
Jeff: You know what? You put that doll head down there and who knows what that hair is made out of. You've got a allergic reaction, I'm telling you.
Larry: Yeah, I think I got some kinda rash. I gotta check out my penis, I have to go to the doctor now? That's going to be a lot of fun; "Where'd you get the rash?"
"Oh, I stuck a doll's head down my pants, Doctor. It feels good to me!"
Jeff: So, tomorrow night, you guys wanna go to dinner before part two?
Cheryl: Uhmm..
Larry: No.
Cheryl: Well, I do wanna go to part two.
Larry: No.
Jeff: You gotta go to part two! You're a part of the ABC Family!
Cheryl: Yeah, we're definitely going to part two.
Larry: Yeah, but we're not going to dinner with you though.
Cheryl: We've already made plans.
Larry: We don't have any plans, we just don't wanna go to dinner with you.
Jeff: That's called "Indian giving".
Larry: Yes, I know what it's called. It's a very racist term but I'm okay with that.
Larry: Your mother thinks I touched her breast? That is so sick!
Jeff: It's what she thinks. What can I say? Sweet dreams.
Larry: "Sweet dreams". I'll dream about f**king your mother. "Sweet dreams".
Jeff: You gotta go.
Larry: What?
Jeff: You gotta go.
Larry: The hell are you talking about?
Jeff: You copped a feel off my mom, you gotta go.
Jeff: How did she die?
Larry: Killed herself.
Jeff: No, she didn't.
Larry: Killed herself.
Jeff: Why?
Larry: Nobody knows, she didn't leave a note. That is so rude, isn't it?
Jeff: That's really rude.
Larry: I mean, if you leave your house for ten minutes to go get a container of milk, you tell somebody where you went.
Jeff: I let my wife know before I go anywhere.
Larry: Yeah. Would it have killed her to leave a note?
Jeff: If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro's not a good maniac.
• Vote for this Quote! • September 12th, 2007
